Ground Zero, Advance Base Alpha, whatever name they went with at that particular moment for the YUYO’s party’s rather bourgeoise flat in a nice part of London, had been fairly quiet. That if you considered the nightly Beezlebubble’s terrible loud rap music blasting, the weekly fire alarms evacuating the entire building, and the bimonthly noise complaints accompanied by either an irritated patrolman or the apartment’s superintendent to be ‘quiet’, then it was quiet. At least Meowkazawa could find relief in winning the war over the common spaces. Only YUYO’s half of the flat remained under her tyrannical control, but no longer did the blanket forts consume the living room. Gone were the days where there was a smoke machine and a cotton candy machine in the dining room. The kitchen surprisingly had been maintained to meet sanitary standards of any fine dining establishment. Of course, Meowkazawa lost years on his life arguing with Yumi about the importance of keeping the common areas to the flat functional and efficient, to foster a strong community in the apartment. With the addition of Hiro Tanaka claiming a corner of Meowkazawa’s room to house his military cot, there still were several rooms left to be occupied but Meowkazawa had a sinking suspicion that Yumi would attract more maniacs to her army of misfits. Meowkazawa didn’t know if that was simply paranoia talking or a keen gut instinct tempered by his countless insane interactions with Yumi and other lunatics.

People liked her for some reason. She attracted people to her cause, no matter how imaginary or grandiose it might be, she had people fighting for her. Even Meowkazawa rooted for the girl, despite being an absolute terror in his life.

On this particular Sunday morning, Meowkazawa sat at the table. He had a cup of tea to his right and a buttered toast on his left. He shifted through the previous day’s newspaper, trying to decipher the various issues challenging his new home. Unfortunately, while Meowkazawa had no problem with speaking that bastard language known worldwide as English, he still struggled mighty with reading. So, he only understood half of the story printed and had to figure out the rest of the pieces of the puzzle on his own. A homeless man ate a priest’s face. The Queen’s favorite dog was knighted. European Union declared war on frisbees, but who cares? Brexit happened. British frisbees were safe. That was a real relief, right?

Then came the dreaded buzz of the doorbell. That meant trouble was afoot. He was the only one that would be awake this early on a Sunday morning. Meowkazawa slapped the newspaper down onto the table. He chomped off a few more bites of his toast before hauling ass to the door. The buzzing didn’t stop. Whoever pressed the doorbell didn’t relent for even a second. Their finger must be aching with soreness. He hoped Yumi slept past this disturbance. He never knew. The slightest sounds woke her. The loudest noises did not. She embodied such a contradiction. What’s new.

“Who is it?” Meowkazawa crossed his fingers, hoping it was the supe not a policeman.

“GO-AD D-YA,” a voice rang out. Chills went down his back. Had he discovered the first person fluent in pig Latin? He did not know. He hoped not. This was neither the cops nor the supe, this was a freak. What he had said? Like moths to the flame, these weirdos will come and will keep coming as long as Yumi welcomed them with open arms. He had to put in a stop to that behavior but he had not yet recovered from the previous battle.

“Are you okay? If you need medical assistance, I put a call in.”

“Screw it,” the visitor responded in perfect Japanese. This ruled out a few possibilities, but that meant there might be an off chance that this voice, grating to Meowkazawa’s ears, was a weeb, who decided to stalk YUYO as his loli-waifu. He shuddered. Imagining a girthy, sweaty, smelling neckbeard, he found the basis of his worst nightmare. He had a duty to protect Yumi from such creeps. But the voice continued after a moment, still in fluent Japanese, “I’m Neko Mori. I’m Yumi’s childhood friend and I’ve come to reunite her. She needs my help more than ever.”

“Childhood friend?”

“Yes, man, that was what I said, wasn’t it? Are you baka? Let me in at once. I demand to see Yumi. Don’t you think you can be this asshole gatekeeper! I’ll come up there myself, climb the fire escape if I have to, and kick your ass! I am here to see Yumi!” The aggression in the voice shot fear into Meowkazawa’s voice. He debated. He doubted Yumi had childhood friends kicking about. No girl of the right mindset would have associated themselves with Yumi. He imagined Yumi being kept in the back corner of the classroom. Never spoken to. Always spoken about. She would then randomly act her imagination, destroying any chance of friendship and comradery, leaving her as the scapegoat used to maintain the classroom’s unity. ’At least you’re not Yoyo over there!’, ‘Hey, just do it, you don’t want to be like that Yumi girl’, oh how kids could be so cruel. They would speak exactly loud enough that Yumi heard them talking, but not loud enough for her to decipher their cruel jokes. Nope, this visitor was an imposter. An obsessed fan that was trying to social engineer herself into their sanctuary. He best ignores the enemy. Hope they go away. If they keep up the buzzing, he’ll call the coppers.

“GO AWAY,” Meowkazawa yelled in English. Take that neckbeard.

A roar erupted through the intercom, causing all sorts of static, which was painful to Meowkazawa’s ears by the way. This visitor rang the doorbell a few more times but to his surprise, the stranger gave up. Meowkazawa settled back down at the table. He raised his teacup to his lips, slurped some of the hot honey-laden goodness into his mouth- CRASH!  A startled Meowkazawa dropped the teacup onto his lap- OW! Meowkazawa leaped up, hopping around as his crotch burned with the strength of thousand suns!  SUMABITCH! He reeled backward, falling into the doorframe before peeking in at the source behind the loud explosion in the kitchen.

There was a girl, perhaps fresh out of high school, but someone he definitely would think twice picking up on the subway. She wore a schoolgirl outfit, but he knew she had to be a little older. It had to be a fashion statement. Along with her pigtails, she was definitely trying to appear to be younger than she actually was. Trust him, Meowkazawa had a six sense when it came to identifying jail bail from young harlots. Believe it or not, back before the mask stuck to his face AND of course, before he married his beautiful wife, Meowkazawa was a bit of a player.

“Did you really climb the fire escape?”

“What? Speak Japanese, fuckface!”

“Don’t think you can burst in here, yell at me in such a way. I’m going to call the police now. I don’t have time for crazed fans,” Meowkazawa decided, heading towards the phone.

“And do what? You pissed your pants by a little girl! You’re so scared by a little girl you have to police! OH NO, POLICEMAN, THIS GIRL SCARES ME! SHE THREATENS ME so much that I peed my pants, officer! ARREST HER!” Neko Mori started in, waving her arms frantically. She closed the entire distance between them while Meowkazawa glanced down at the huge wet spot over his crotch.

“Baka, I spilled my tea because of you! These were nice pants!”

“OH NO! GIRL SCARED ME TO SPILL MY TEA! OH NO! MY DESIGNER PANTS ARE RUINED! Can you be any more of a little girl, MISSUS Meowkazawa,” she didn’t let up. This time she stabbed his chest with her very sharp, long fingernail that formed a weapon out her index finger. You know he knew she was older? Her voice. She could not disguise her voice to match the cuteness of her appearance. In fact, the way she spoke to him, sounded like she smoked cigarettes for years. Soon she would need one those vibrating things to be held up to her vocal cords to speak like she was talking into a fan.

“Listen here, young lady. I am a man of repute and I should never be addressed in such a fashion!”

“I said, SPEAK JAPANESE… fuckface. What are you? Some retarded Japanese man who doesn’t speak Japanese? How were you EVER hired to represent Yumi! I bet you sniff her underwear whenever she is out of the apartment! HENTAI! That’s right, you’re one of those furry hentais who get off by dressing up like an animal. RAWR! I’m a tiger, look at my raging erect penis—,” Neko continued her tirade, during which saw Meowkazawa backpedaling away from her. He swore are several times through her verbal barrage, she flipped him the middle finger. He didn’t know how to defuse this situation. He wanted to wave the white flag to stop the abuse!

“NEEEEEEEKKOOOOOOO!” Yumi’s voice called out from the other side of the dining room. Meowkazawa found her savior. He dropped to his knees, and thanked Yumi for the rescue. Plus, now he had confirmed that this wasn’t simply some obsessed fan.

“YUMMMMIIIIIIIIIIII!”

“NEEEEEEEKKOOOOOOO-CHAN!”

“YUMMMIIIII-SAAAAAMMMAAA!” Meowkazawa found himself fazed by the new melody spouting from Neko’s lips. She did sound like a girl, probably just in high school. Her high-pitch voice resonated with angelic chords. What was this sorcery?! Both girls ran to each other, leaping into the air, embracing themselves, before swinging around and around in a circle. They came to a stop. They held each other, before nuzzling the other cheek and then pecking each other on the lips.

“It is YUYO now. I have ascended.”

“My apologies, your cosmic highness. I’m sorry for the delay. I have answered your call to arms. I’ve come before you, a humble servant, offering my services to you once more!” Neko knelt before her, taking Yumi by the hand and kissing her ring finger despite there not being a ring. And she spoke to Yumi with the utmost respect! Meowkazawa bit his tongue. He had something to say but he decided a formal protest was not worth the headache. At this home intruder was on friendly terms with the self-acclaimed princess. He took his victories when he could.

“Raise, sir knight! Better late than never. YUYO is glad that you’ve rallied to my crusade! Together, we’ll rid this world of all that is evil and all that is black!”

“Yumi, never repeat that last part. You will find yourself in the middle of cancel culture.”

“You know what YUYO meant!”

“I understood everything. Who is this simpleton that you have chosen as your steward? HE IS AN IMBECILE, milady!”

“He’s useful sometimes,” Yumi’s defense of him was lacking to say the least. Meowkazawa grumbled underneath his voice about not ever getting respect. Yumi seemed to have noticed because she popped her hands on her hips and glared daggers towards him. “HE CAN ALSO BE A PAIN IN THE ASS!”

“He seems like it! Your words are too wise, milady!”

“Enough of the formalities, we’re all in good company. Just call me, YUYO,” Yumi responded, taking both Neko’s hands and helping her to her feet. Both girls looked longingly in each other years, intensely enough for Meowkazawa to think he might have fallen into a JAV or some of his more embarrassing dreams. But once again, they peck each other on the cheeks. And then Yumi spoke with a loud declaration: “FROM THIS MOMENT, NEKO MORI will ever be known as NEMO! I have elevated her to the status of princess, second only to me, YUYO, cosmic magical princess!”

“Don’t tell me.”

“You there, servant. Translate for me! I don’t know English!” Nemo pointed at him, leaving him to wonder why she wouldn’t just ask Yumi to speak in Japanese as she did before him.

“She said you are too a princess now, then she raised you from whatever pleasantry you came from, and made you a princess, second only to her,” Meowkazawa abided her, though there had been zero enthusiasm in his voice. He knew! He knew he wasn’t being paranoid! She attracted misfits! She attracted insane asylum inmates! This job will be the death of him. Why did he ever come back? Why did he ever leave his wife and kid behind!? For what? To be treated like some lowly manservant by his ward and her friends!

“REALLY?!” Neko screamed. Her hands went to each cheek and jumped up and down. “I’m a princess now! I’ve always wanted to be a princess! Today’s the best day ever! You better bring me your finest feast, fuckface thrall!”

“You’re not staying here.”

“She’s staying here.”

“Yumi, please. Please no.”

“I’ve made up my might, Mr. Meowkazawa. And she’s only right, tonight’s her coronation feast. You bring us the best cuisine London has to offer!” Yumi decided. Once Yumi decided, he had to bear the consequences. Really, he didn’t feel up to arguing. 

“Okay, we’ll get takeout tonight…”

“YAY!” Yumi exclaimed, proud of another easy victory as per usual.

But Neko didn’t seem happy, she continued to stare at him with that angry face. Yumi danced in a circle around her but Neko crossed her arms. “SERVANT! I said to talk in Japanese in my presence, not that deviltongue!”

“We’ll get you some help in English. Maybe a tutor but more importantly, we’re going to have you join me on the battlefield. And we’re in luck, we have nothing but the best teachers of the martial arts! Meowkazwa and Hiro will teach you how to be the best shield maiden ever!” Yumi declared. This news received an approving hum and head nod from Neko.

“Do I have to?”

“YES!” both ladies screamed at him. He guessed she did know a little English. His shoulders dropped in defeat as he slowly retreated to his room. His exit did not suppress the noise. In fact, he swore he heard horns and party streamers, a lot of crashing. They were going to get another noise complaint. He also wouldn’t be surprised if someone reported that Neko had taken the fire escape had her means to break into the apartment.

But he didn’t care. He had zero strength left to resist this. Maybe one day he will recover and have the will to fight, but right now, he didn’t have any perseverance left in the tank. He decided that he was going to lie there until dinner time, that way, things couldn’t get worse. He knew he wasn’t being paranoid and this Neko girl was bad news. She lacked manners. She seemed adamant in feeding into Yumi’s delusions, just like Beezlebubble. And unlike Beezlebubble, he did not have a mutual understanding of their roles. Just like that, he felt his earlier victories to have been vain. This was going to be the death of him.

Elsewhere in the apartment, Yumi led Neko to the living room for a seat on the couch. They were still holding each other hands, bouncing to each other at the excitement for seeing one another. 

“I don’t need too much help in wrestling, Yumi. Your father taught me for the past few months before I came here to find you! All of this sacrifice was meant to serve you, your cosmic highness!” Neko explained but she found a surprise when Yumi’s face turned pale white as if the Magical Cosmic Princess saw a ghost. “Did I do wrong?“

“You said you worked with my father?”

“I know I should probably have asked you if it was a good idea, but I wanted to surprise you. I didn’t want to come here all defenseless. I promise I can fight with the best of them. I will do so, to serve you, my magical princess.“

“Yes, yes, you did well. YUYO is just so happy that you’ve come to her side! Together, we will take over the world, then the solar system, then the galaxy, and if we feel up for it, the entire universe it too!” Yumi declared as she stood up, placing one foot on the couch, she pointed towards the sky. Neko clapped her hands furiously to create the impression of enormous applause. 

Together, they will do something great! Neko and Yumi both were certain about that, whatever it might be.

Meowkazawa didn’t know when everything became so crazy and so depressing. Somewhere along the way, everything had gone off the rails on a crazy train. His life had gone to hell in a handbasket. No matter which way Meowkazwa described the situation, things were dire, and he was scared. Insanity became normalized. Fiction became fact, vice versa. Up became down. Right became left. Wrongs morphed into rights. Rights transformed into wrong.

Every which way, nothing made sense any longer, the points don’t matter, whose line is it anyway?

But if Meowkazawa had to pick a moment in time, when everything changed from a nice cozy campfire to a dumpster fire, it had to be when they secured a flat in the heart of London. An entire floor of a building rented out, paid for by the collective known in some circles as simply, ‘YUYO’s Party’ and her allowance from her family in Japan. Fire, there were three, the original trio, the three musketeers: Beelzebubble, Meowkazawa, and of course, the story’s beloved delusional protagonist, YUYO. But when more appeared, right out of the woodwork, to join YUYO on her adventures through some shadow realm between imagination and insanity, her condition worsened. Meowkazawa always held out hope that this was simply a phase. Unfortunately, things worsened. Maybe he had been too easy on the girl in the early going. If he had nipped this behavior in the bud, maybe… just maybe they wouldn’t have arrived at this destination. If he tried to discipline the girl, this might never have happened. In Meowkazawa’s defense, it didn’t help that Jack, better known as Beezlebubble, was a textbook enabler. He fed into Yumi’s delusions. He loved being her boy toy, her action figure, her pet YUYoshi. But when the cosmic princess army started to add numbers to their ranks, that was when everything went downhill fast.

The first sign of trouble came with the flat itself.

“This is too expensive. We can find a townhouse a little way outside the city for a lot cheaper,” Meokwazawa argued as he walked through the penthouse. The place was pristine. If Yumi had the income of her neighbors, this would have been a no brainer. A doorman stationed in the downstairs lobby. Security cameras and guards everywhere. As YUYO’s celebrity status grew, she would need those features… but right now, she was not as some pop idol as she acted. She was a professional wrestler with a cult following and decent merchandise sales.

Yumi defended her decision, “YUYO demands this is our beachhead on this planet. Besides, YUYO must be close to the Queen. As an intergalactic dignitary, she must be ready to engage in diplomacy. I’m royalty after all! You won’t understand those things, Meowkazawa.”

“The Queen really has no power anymore. She’s simply—”

“Don’t tell me, Meowkazawa, you’ve turned socialist on me! You were a sleeper agent this whole time. Well, you can tell your red pride and shove it up your poophole, mister!”

“Fine. We’ll take it,” Meowkazawa notified the leasing agent. The woman stared at the two eccentric characters before her, weakly nodded her head. She did not show one hint of enthusiasm that she had found occupants for such a high scale place.

A few days after the lease was finalized on Fantasia Prime, Ground Zero Zero, the Galactic Federation Earth Embassy, or whatever YUYO decided to call home on that particular day, Beezlebubble and Yumi went into turbo mode to decorate the flat. They wanted to remodel everything. Meowkazawa once again found it was up to him to provide a voice of reason.

“You can’t remodel the place. You need the landlord’s permission. And since everything has just been redone prior to our move-in, I doubt they accept. You might be lucky, and maybe they let you paint your bedroom,” Meowkazawa pointed out, lifting one finger in protest.  Yumi and Beezlebubble huddled farther from him, ignoring he had said anything at all. They whispered and giggled. Meowkazawa cleared his voice, stepped closer. They moved the huddle a step farther. They whispered and giggle. Nodding their head eagerly to whatever maniacal plans they concocted. “You can pretend all you want that you don’t hear me. But I’m telling you, it’s a no go. You can decorate it. You can’t completely change the place.”

And they did continue to pretend they didn’t hear him. And then later that day, they returned with a truck filled with paint supplies, hardware, and a gang consisting of young British men that dressed as if they all fought for the same role as the construction worker in the Village People. While they went to turbo mode in redoing the entire flat, Meowkazawa had to perform damage control.

“What is all that noise?!” The property manager asked as he went to step through the gap door.

Meowkazawa nodded his head, placed his foot behind the door to block his entry. “Everything’s fine. Everything’s swell. Nothing to see here. They’re doing arts and crafts. Playing those VR video games. It’s a home welcoming party! I would invite you, but it’s VIP only. You understand right?”

“Sounds like construction to me—”

“No! No construction going on here.”

“What about those lads they came through the lobby an hour ago? Don’t tell me it’s a coincidence that the banging started shortly after they arrived with tools,” the property manager responded. He attempted to sneak his neck through the gape, but Meowkazawa closed it further, almost trapping the man by the skull in the doorway.

Finally, Meowkazawa gave up. “Okay. You’re right. We’ll cover all the costs necessary to return the flat to normal after our residency. My client needs the optimal living space to get into the right fighting spirit.”

“You better keep it done and I better not find out that you’ve completely remodeled the place.”

“We’re just installing a few… um… exercise equipment. Given today’s climate, my client wants to remain indoors.”

“Your odd lot. I will be keeping an eye on you communists,” the gruff man gave Meowkazawa the stink eye before backing way into the hallway. For the second time that day, Meowkazawa found himself labeled as a Marxist. He didn’t know why people thought he was a leftist.

Meowkazawa turned back into the suite, preparing himself for the mayhem he’s about to experience. Each room had been assigned a wildly different theme, all arbitrary. YOU and Beezlebubble proceeded to transform the flat into a place that was a bit of Charlie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and a smudge Alice’s Wonderland. The master bedroom had a trampoline for a bed. Thank god for the vaulted ceilings or Meowkazawa swore Yumi would rocket right through that ceiling into the flat above.

“No! Bad Jack! You can’t go on the bed,” Meowkazawa panicked when he caught Beezlebubble halfway on the trampoline, straddling the edge.

“RAWR”

“No means no!” Meowkazawa wagged his finger. Beezlebubble froze. He glanced at Yumi. He glanced at Meokazawa. And back at Yumi. Then back at Meowkazawa.

“Why not? I want to be able to snuggle with my little YUYOSHI at night.”

“While’s there is barely enough clearance for you to jump about, our friend Jack on the other hand is a giant among men. One bounce, he’d be waving hello to the neighbors upstairs. I’m pretty sure we’re going to get complaints. Besides, no one wants a man in a dinosaur mask as a floor ornament,” Meowkazawa answered. Beezlebubble growled at him, disagreeing with that logic. Maybe he really wanted to bounce on the trampoline or maybe he took offense that no one would admire him as a piece of art.

Either way, Meowkazawa did not care.

Beezlebubble started work his way up onto the trampoline again. Meowkazawa returned to the home a moment later with a squirt bottle. He sprayed Beezlebubble with water until the big man fled the room. He didn’t know why this technique was super effective against the freak, but it was and it was a comfort to Meowkazawa to know that he had an ace up his sleeve when dealing with the hulk.

Yumi crossed her arms. “YUYO pays the rent; therefore, YUYO sets the rules!”

“We’re all paying the rent.”

“YUYO pays the most rent!”

“No Beezlebubble on the trampoline,” Meowkazawa warned Yumi. Yumi pouted, shaking her head fervently, her brown hair tossed about. Yumi sighed in defeat when she saw that her puppy dog look didn’t convince Meowkazawa.

From there on, for safety precautions, Beezlebubble was not allowed on the makeshift bed. Meowkazawa debated about getting an electric dog run installed and a zap collar for his neck to keep him from the bedroom entirely. It was not right for Yumi and Jack to sleep together!

The dining room had a cotton candy machine on one side, a magical device deemed essential for the survival of the human race by Yumi. The other side was a fog machine that had to be in continuous operation, or the agents of the shadow government would be onto them. She painted the entire room the colors of the rainbow. Eating meals in the dining room was always unpleasant.

“Okay, here we go—” Meowkazawa entered the room with the platter of sliced ham, one of Yumi’s favorite meals. He almost dropped the plate when he saw before her on her plate a large wad of cotton candy. She was cutting it with a knife and fork. “Now wait minute. Everyone knows by the time they are adults that you can’t have junk food for dinner. Surely, Yumi, you’re old enough to know that.”

“Junkfood? This is the ambrosia of the gods! This is what gives YUYO her magical powers!”

“I made ham specifically for you because you said it’s your favorite.”

“YUYO doesn’t want ham right now. Maybe later,” Yumi crossed her arms, turning away from Meowkazawa. His jaw dropped. He found himself at the wit’s patience. He went to speak but suddenly the platter became light.

“RAWR!”

“You son of a bitch! Leave some for the rest of us!” Meowkazawa responded to Beezlebubble. The entire sliced up ham now rested on the pretend dinosaur’s plate. He immediately attacked the meat. Desperate for some of the meat himself, Meowkazawa flew forward with a fork. Beezlebubble’s reflexes, revealing that of Meowkazawa’s catlike reflexes, immediately shielded his plate with his burly arms.

“RAWR!” He screamed as Meowkazawa’s fork sunk into his forearm.

Meowkazawa flew back, leaving the fork behind. He went to immediately apologize, but Beezlebubble continued to stuff his mouth that that delicious meat. Meowkazawa motioned towards the fork sticking out from his forearm. Beezlebubble continued to chow down, consuming the entirety of the ham in matter of seconds it seemed. Meowkazawa found himself speechless as he left the room to find something in the fridge to eat for dinner. He didn’t have the will left in him to fight that day.

He wanted to turn in early. A good night’s rest might recharge his resolve and his spirits. But unfortunately, Yumi called for a roommate meeting in the living room shortly after dinner. The living room had a myriad of blanket forts throughout. A number of televisions screens littler the landscape, unsafely plugged in sequences of powers strips, proving to be a five-alarm fire waiting to happen. Each had a gaming console from a different era. Beezlebubble didn’t bother entering the forts, he constantly bulldozed through. This seemed to set Yumi off who then responded by hitting him over the head some wiichucks.

But the fire hazard this posed haunted Meowkazawa. He imagined how much kindling those blankets would be. Meowkazawa found himself thankful for Yumi called for a meeting because he needed to lecture her on the importance of meeting fire code.

“YUYO calls this meeting into order!” Yumi declared from up high on the back of the recliner. She hammered the wall beside her. “YUYO invites YUYO to speak— Thank you, princess— You’re welcome, go ahead, speak. We don’t have all day!”

Beezlebubble and Meowkazawa exchanged a concerned look. They never actually seen Yumi hold a conversation with herself until now. Her condition definitely worsened, and if the reptilian freak became concerned, things must be very bad.

“Beezlebubble, the anointed royal pet of the Galactic Monarchy, has violated the conditions of his contract to one, YUYO. YUYO demands that YUYO orders him to reserve from destroying any more blanket forts. Each takes YUYO an hour to perfectly set up! Time better spent playing videogames. HERE HERE!” YUYO clapped her hands. Beezlebubble began to back away from the room, a desolate dog who had been scolded by his master. He didn’t want to remain to see how YUYO went about to execute that order.

Meowkazawa found himself alone in the room now with Yumi. This was his chance. He cleared his voice. “Yumi. We need to be serious for a moment. If you will please hear what I have to say.”

“Objection! Servants are not allowed to speak at the open council. They might write, a nicely worded request, addressing any and all their concerns. They can expect a response in one to five hundred business days. HERE HERE!” YUYO clapped her hands again. Meowkazawa saw red. Servant?! He shook with anger. And she even wanted to suppress his freedom of speech?! He had enough. He marched through the would-be tents like Godzilla destroying Tokyo. He came to her, the screaming Mothra, and grabbed her by the sides. “Let go of your– your princess! If you don’t, you’ll regret it!”

“Yumi, my child, it’s important to consider what and what is not a fire hazard. We have a duty, as members of this community to ensure the safety of all the building’s residents,” Meowkazawa backed away, waving to the wreckage of the room. “You can’t have electrical like this. It’s just not sound! You could start a fire and burn everything down!”

“Fire!”

“Yes, Yumi. Fire. Fire bad. Fire no good,” he tried to break it down as simplistic as possible for her to understand.

“Fire!”

“I know, that’s what I’m saying. You could start a fire!”

“No, you damn cat! FIRE! BEHIND YOU!” Meokazawa didn’t like the tone of her voice. He sniffed though. Something was burning. He turned around and smoke billowed out from underneath one of the collapsed forts.

“FIRE!” Meowkazawa yelled. He hopped about, trying to determine the best course of action. Should he grab Yumi and carry her to safety? Should he try to put out the fire? What should he do? Why aren’t that smoke alarms going off! They must have never replaced the batteries. He was going to have a stern word with the property manager about the kind of ship he’s running. “Shit- FIRE!”

The exhale of a fire extinguisher filled the room. Beezleubble wiped the sweat from his brow as he turned towards the frozen scared couple in the corner. Yumi and Meowkazawa, in the panic, had embraced each other. They breathed heavily the smoky air. The fire seemed to be out.

“YUYO thinks Meowkazawa is a fire hazard too,” Yumi muttered weakly. Meowkazawa glared at her. She lowered her head, waving for him to calm down. “Okai, okai! More responsible from here on out with the plugs!”

After that, all three roommates proceeded to clean up the living room. Garbage bags of brunt blankets and fried electronics were placed on the far side of the room. They agreed never to speak about the fire that almost cost them their flat in their first week.

With another exhaustive day of babysitting Yumi behind him, the Meowkazawa returned to his natural habitat, a small corner bedroom on the far side of the flat. He had all the windows he needed to see the view of London’s sprawling cityscape. His bed, a king-size that almost took up the entire room, was therapeutic. This was his escape from all that craziness. His comfy little sanctuary. He reached over and turned off the bedside lamp. He rolled over to find a nice position, but his knee struck something soft.

“Yumi?”

“Yes?”

Meowkazawa asked, “Why are you in my bed?”

“Trampoline isn’t as comfortable as your bed.”

“Keyword… it’s MY bed.”

“Comrade Meowkazawa, in the name of the Soviet YUYO, I’m seizing control of the bed for the people. We shall share this bed for prosperity!”

“RAWR!”

“OW!” Meowkazawa dealt out some lumps to the shadows in his bedroom. Meowkazawa was not a communist, he was a proud individualistic capitalist! He heard thuds on his floor. Both Beelzebubble and Yumi left the room, whining the entire way out. Meowkazawa finally settled in on his pillow. He felt on the cusp of sleep, falling freely towards a nice slumber.

And then the s smoke detectors finally went off.

“God damn it!”

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Meowkazawa’s fists wrapped against the solid oak door of the cabin’s door. He hadn’t run into anyone in the almost deserted cruise ship. Staff seemed far in between, and actual guests were even rarer.  He wondered why that’s the case, after all, YUYO’s entire party were basically given tickets to board and their own private cabins at dirt cheap rate. Perhaps Meowkazawa’s inability to keep track of current events, matched with YUYO’s and Beelzebubble’s strong disconnect with reality had led to the ignorance. All the staff also donned rubber gloves and white masks. Perhaps an odd theme? One time, his wife-then-girlfriend had dragged him to a rave, and they donned the same masks. But he couldn’t help but remember the white variety to be donned in China during a pandemic. Whatever the case, the staff actively maintained six feet of distance and seemed to stink eye the party whenever came together for dinner or for pool party. Perhaps the real reason behind the cheap admission was due to this low quality of customer service. Let’s be honest, no one wants their service workers to be a bunch of tsunderes.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Without grunted with waiting. What was taking Yumi so long to prepare herself. He tightly gripped the hand and froze. At this moment, Mr. Meokazawa found himself in a predicament. Yumi was unresponsive. He must considered a few possibilities. The first, Yumi was not there. Yet he wouldn’t know unless he checked, but then if she awkwardly came in while he checked out her room, he could get the creeper label attached to him. He shook his head, already feeling his face burn underneath this tiger mask. Of course, Yumi would assume he was sneaking in to steal underwear. That’s the first thought that crossed a young lady’s mind when catching a middle-aged man snooping around. At that point, if he was going to be blamed for an act, he should just do the act for shits and giggles. NO! He was not a hentai (that’s Japanese for pervert by the way). The second possibility that Yumi didn’t hear him over the sound of her own vomiting. He didn’t know whether or not his client get sea sickness, but already Hiro Tanaka noped out of the adventure because of that reason. Maybe Yumi didn’t know. She would definitely conceal that fact because that would be very… very uncool and Yumi is nothing but the coolest, roll your eyes please. If she was indeed that sick, too sick to answer the door, he should go in there and rescue her. Finally, Yumi ignored him because she was busy crossing lines and burning bridges with that sick son of a bitch, Beezlebubble. Jealousy flowed in Meowkazwa. He hated that image of those two getting randy in that cabin.

“Screw it!” Meowkazawa roared, shielding his eyes but rushing into the room. Something quite soft, perhaps too soft, a little wet greeted any exposed skin on his body. He lowered his arm to find the entire room filled with bubbles. The carpet squeaked with wetness; the entire floor was soaked.

Meowkazawa panicked. What was going on? This was definitely going to lead to damages, damages that they could not possibly afford on Yumi’s EMERGE contract. Champion or not, they pay in peanuts. Meowkazawa ran back and forth through the cabin and not, trying to find the source of the water leak but the entire room was filled with bubbles. Finally he slipped on the wall and floundered into the bathroom. Yumi laid there, snoring in the bathtub, thick foam covering her. Meowkazawa hurried to stopped the facet. He basically slipped, finding himself, suit and all, landing in the large tub. The weight of his impact woke Yumi’s finally up.

“RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! MEOWKAZAWA! BEEZLEBUBBLE! HELP!” Yumi screams in a bloodcurdling screech. Her nails starts ripping into Meowkazawa’s sides, scratching despite having thick fabric. What were the nails made of? How sharp were they? Meowkazawa yelled in ecstasy, having a flashback to that ex-girlfriend of his that used to do the same. Wait! That was sick. He needed to get control of himself. The fact his body pressed against the nude frame of Yumi was enough excitement. The hot water, boiling hot, fried his circuity. He didn’t know which way to move! How to react! If this was an anime, a fountain of blood would fire from his flaring nostrils.

Finally, he stopped. He breathed. He drowned out the yelling. He focused in on the sound of a strangle water drop striking the tile floor. Everything else turned black. He reached back with one hand to swiped a hanging towel and the other to turn off the running water. He drove the towel into Yumi’s chest as he stood, posing with a dab. A smile on his face. His eyes forced shut.

“Have no fear, Yumi. I am here!”

“Meowkazawa?” Yumi’s voice squeaked.

“I mean no harm, young Yumi. You didn’t respond so I feared the worst.”

“MEOW… KA… ZA… WA… GET… OUT… BAKA!” Objects started to pellet Meowkazawa as he fled the bathroom to the main cabin. The door slammed shut. Meowkazawa breathed heavily. He expected a reaction, but not that negative one of. She hated him now. His career as her manager was over. He was going to be put on a blacklist, never to manage a female wrestler again. The news would get out. Every time he would go to the store to run some errands for his severely disappointed wife, two old Japanese grandmothers would point at him and speak of his crimes. Meowkazawa’s heart dropped. He pulled at his tiger mask desperately. What was going to do?

“ACK!” Meowkazawa heard a cry then a loud thud.

He raced back into the bathroom. Yumi laid there unconscious. Her body stumped against the side of the bathroom on the outside. She tripped. She died. Now Meowkazawa wasn’t just going to go down as a sexual predator, but a murderer! What could he do? Dump the body. He needed to dump the body. Meowkazawa reached down and scooped up the small body. He started to carry her towards the glass doors leading to the balcony. He slid open the door. He stepped out. He took one last look at Yumi. Yumi’s dark eyes stared at him back. Meowkazawa froze. He had Yumi, nude in his arms, and he was about to dump her over the railing. What was she going to think? Stupid, he didn’t even checked for a pulse and see if she was breathing.

“Yumi…”

“Boop!” Yumi said as she tapped his nose. “I’m really dizzy, Meowkazawa and it’s stupid cold out here. Let’s go back inside and warm up.”

“Yeah…. Yeah, let’s do that,” Meowkazawa managed as he walked towards her bed. He slide her underneath the blankets, disturbing the bubbles that had piled on top. He tucked her in and patted the sides of her arms. “Meet us for dinner in thirty?” “

“Okay!”

And Meowkazawa booked it right out that cabin. Water damage or not. He was going to remain around when she came to. If she even figured what has crossed his mind, she would never ever trust him. And she shouldn’t! He was a horrible, despicable pathetic excuse for man. Not only had he touched her nude body, he also killed her on accident. That alone was manslaughter!

But before he got too far, Meowkazawa crashed into the human wall known as Beezlebubble. He bounced off the man who thought he was a dragon. Beezlebubble steadied Meowkazawa. He actually talked English and spoke in sentences whenever Yumi was absent. “Everything okay, man? Look like you saw a ghost.”

“This way, this way. We’re going to meet Yumi at the dining hall,” Meowkazawa hooked him in the arm and started to lead him away. He wasn’t going to let him fall into the same bubbly trap. Sometimes you just have to watch out for your fellow man.

Meowkazawa basically threw the wad of cash for a tip at the taxi driver from the backseat  before scurrying away, up the front sidewalk in front of the small New York residence of one Yumi Yoshida. The entire taxi ride over from the airport saw Meowkazawa squeezing himself as far away from the wheezing cab driver as possible, basically pressed up against the back corner of the cab. He formed a wall with his luggage as if that would stop the contamination. The taxi driver shook his fist towards his direction and groaned incoherently to perfectly imitate a zombie (as if that was indeed his intention); either way, he sounded ominous and in the current climate of New York City, and the world aboard, Meowkazawa needed to protect himself from this Coronavirus. Still he had a job to do. An essential job of taking care of the young woman named Yumi Yoshida, better known to the general population as her moniker, YUYO.

His task at hand was to evacuate her before international flights ended. They had a big show down in South Africa for EMERGE and they needed to attend. The Spirit Championship, the physical embodiment of YUYO’s success in the squared circle, was threatened by the proposed gauntlet called the Spirit League. That was something like the Elite Four up on there on the Indigo Plateau, except only YUYO was the defending champion and the rest were buccaneers, looking to take home some booty. Thankfully, not her booty. But more importantly, only Yumi had something to lose in this Spirit League. Meowkazawa stopped at the doorstep, dreading the day that the young lady finally loses possession of that championship belt. She took it everywhere. She wore it in the shower, which was not recommended by common sense (duh, it could rust). She cuddled with the belt at night, laying it down beside her. Sometimes he even caught her, when he was sneaking a peek in her bedchambers, cradling the belt as if it was her baby. The Spirit Championship, or the Holy Relic of Spirit as she referred to the title, was indeed her baby. Hell, Meowkazawa expected to open this door and wouldn’t be surprised if Yumi sat the Spirit Championship across from her and had a god damn tea party. That was how important that belt was. That was how much she cherished the belt.

Moewkazawa opened the door. HISS. Immediately, his eyes burned. He flailed his arms as he was attacked by a spray of hot acid. Through teary eyes and his yelling, he saw Beezlebubble and Hiro Tanaka with Lysol cans.

“Stop! Stop! It burns!” Meowkazawa pleaded. For a moment, they halted the rough decontamination process. Then for a second time, they doused Moewkazawa with another layer of the stuff for good measure. Meowkazawa cried. Not by choice either.

“That’s enough,” Yumi decided, standing behind the two culprits. Hiro Tanaka at least had a decency to toss Meowkazawa a towel. Her arms were crossed. Her toe tapping, humming approval, all of which irked Meowkazawa. Why did he come here? Why did he care about her? She was almost young enough to be her daughter, but old enough that she thankfully wasn’t. If her father wasn’t a good man, he would have bent her over his knee a long time ago and gave that backside a lashing. He doubted she had much meat there to protect against a strong hand. “Precautionary measures, Meowkazawa. YUYO hope you understand the times we live in. Desperate times call for drastic measures!”

“You could have warned me! Is this crap even safe for human use?”

“SILENCE!” Yumi shouted. Finally, Meowkazawa noticed Yumi’s outfit. Yumi’s yell didn’t quiet him, but her outfit left him stunned. Straight out from the 1940s, Yumi donned a tight-fitting light pink nurse’s outfit, which strapped tightly across her petite frame. On top of her head laid a hat with a white cross embroidered. Yet the racy nature of the outfit came from how short the dress cut, along with the white fishnets stockings that rose up, grappling her legs. A syringe with some mystery liquid laid holstered to her leg. The top few buttons were undone, giving a sneak peek at her chest. Yumi hurried over to Meowkazawa, who had to lift his jaw off the floor, and placed the back of her hand to his forehead. “Clear! Mr. Meowkazawa hasn’t been infected yet. Good news, Mr. Meowkazawa. You don’t want to know what we do with the infected in these parts. All best for the group, right? Surely, you understand.”

“Color me curious. What exactly do you… do… with the infected,” Meowkazawa’s voice trialed as his eyes fell on the guillotine assembled in the next room.  Surely, that’s another one of her stupid props. That blade must be made from plastic. Is a guillotine even legal in New York State? He found himself warding against Yumi with a wide, dumb smile. Smile and nod, Meowkazawa. Smile and nod. You just stepped in a post-apocalyptic society with Yumi as queen. Don’t cross her. They might be cannibals.

“So our only scare came from Beezlebubble, because you know how he likes to eat off the floor sometimes. So we had to shower him down with scalding hot water,” Yumi explained in a matter of fact kinda way. She pivoted one her heels and walked father into her home, towards the kitchen. Now that she mentioned it, between the many tattoos which littered Beezlebubble’s body, there was a certain noticeable redness. The poor man had been tortured for no good reason. But the more Meowkazawa thought about the matter, Beezlebubble had a machoistic side to him after all. He probably enjoyed every moment of that shower from hell. The cheeky bastard.

“What is this?” Meowkazawa immediately shouted as he stepped into the kitchen. The entire room was filled with packages and packages of toilet paper. Rolls and rolls of TP, pilled up neatly in stacks, on the floor, on the counters, in the cabinets. There had to be thousands of rolls in the small kitchen. Yumi was a hoarder. Dread crossed him. If social media found out that Yumi has emptied out more than a several stores of their supply in the white double-ply gold, she would be a villain over night. He panicked. He couldn’t have her lose her idol status in professional wrestling, her cult following would turn on her, and then she would delve into the deepest depression. Meowkazawa pulled out a lighter and went to burn all the evidence. This is for her own good. Hell, for the betterment of the whole group. BURN EVERYTHING.

“Stop him! He’s gone mad!” Yumi shouted. Before he even took a step, the massive behemoth known as Beelzebubble had him pinned to the tiled floor. Hiro Tanaka disarmed him of the lighter by stomping onto his forearm. Yumi breathed a sigh of relief. Her treasure trove had been protected by her two henchmen. No, seriously, Yumi had turned in to a full fledge villain in these desperate times. Beezlebubble kept him flattened on the tile floor, his weight making it hard to breathe.

Hiro Tanaka knelt down next to him, patted him on the back. “Just breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Everything’s a-okay, bubbaroo.”

“I’m sure once you’ve heard my plan, Meowkazawa. You’ll see how genius YUYO really is,” Yumi arrogantly proclaimed as she slapped her right side of her chest. She erupted in maniacal laughter as she sat back onto a throne of TP. She crossed her legs as she stared down, triumphantly over her manager.

“I’m good. I’m good. I’ll listen, I swear!” Meowkazawa claimed. Beezlebubble looked up towards his master questioningly, and she nodded approvingly. Tanaka swiped the lighter from the floor just in case Meowkazawa still held silly notion to burn the place down. Meowkazawa climbed to his feet, dusting himself off as he did so. Yumi didn’t sweep her floors all that often, another fact that would probably not go well with her fanboys if released to the public.

“Good. There’s much work to be done,” Yumi shouted. She sprang forward from her chair, and in a fluid motion, tossed Meowkazawa a duffle bag. “Start stuffing.”

And that was how Meowkazawa’s luggage was replaced with bags of toilet paper. He would need to buy a few outfits once they touched down in South Africa. And that was how Yumi and the rest of her gang smuggled TP into South Africa. To imagine that they lived in the times that called for such drastic measures. For what purpose did they risk by smuggling the precious commodity used to wipe people’s asses? The world was about to find out.

---

Meowkazawa set up the tripod in the kitchen. Behind them, was a pile of duffle bags, stuff full to their seams. He did not want to imagine how much the airline fees were going to be to transport those bags across the Atlantic. A part of him wondered if they were going to even allow it. Beezlebubble sat on his hands and knees, posing as a chair for YUYO. YUYO was still dress in her risqué nurses outfit, her legs crossed, the helm of the dress flirting upwards to reveal every lolicon’s dream.

[REC]

Yumi began, “YUYO understand that carrying this Holy Relic of Spirit comes a great responsibility. This relic’s mystical powers revolves around one’s resolve, and no one… no one has more resolve than YUYO! So when big meanie, Sir Drew Bryant, laid down the ultimate challenge before me, YUYO knows in her heart that she is going to have to be her best! The best of her best!”

“YUYO could complain. She could cry. YUYO has every right to but she won’t! Because of the children! Think of the children if their champion cries. No, life is full of challenges and even if you get dealt with a hand you don’t like, you’ll have to play to win. And YUYO is winning!”

“So go ahead, Sir Drew Bryant, make YUYO’s day! She dares you, punk! She’s going to show you! Yes, she will. She’s going to dismantle this challenge, starting with the nice lady named Julia Boleyn. Now Julia seems to have some missing memories or something, and recently YUYO have unfortunately hit her head and had temporary amnesia for a few hours. I knows how horrible it is not to know who you are, where you are, and what these strangers doing around you. Touching you! HUGGING YOU! So it’s an inspiring tale to say the least about the least to see you still wrestling despite all that’s going on,” YUYO paused for a moment. But suddenly she beams. She squeals, “But I mean, every cool heroine has amnesia! That definitely means you’re a good guy! I’m so jealous! I wish I was as cool as you! Every story is made better if the protagonist lost their memories! After all, all you need to do is follow the trail of clues and recover your memories to unlock your secret potential! ”

“YUYO knows she must be extra careful. Who knows what tricks you will pull, what aces you have up your sleeves, you’re truly are an enigma. But this isn’t the first time, nor the last time, YUYO goes into a match basically blind. YUYO, despite all the best efforts of her sensei, still doesn’t like to do homework. So this is nothing unusual, because I don’t watch the tape as I should. BUT DO WHAT YUYO SAY, KIDS, NOT WHAT SHE DOES. Do your homework and eat your vegetables!”

“Invasion is the beginning of my stand here in EMERGE. I won’t be bullied by Sir Drew Bryant or anyone else, especially the Unforgiven. He can throw everything at me, including the kitchen sink, I’m going to prove him wrong. YUYO is here to stay! The holy relic around my waist is here to stay! And I dare everyone to come out and try to stop me, because I’m not giving this up. No way! JOSE!”

“So Julia… brace yourself… for an EXXXXXPLLLLOSSSSION!” Yumi pops up into the air with one fist, as if she’s Mario hitting a question marked brick. 1UP! Meowkazawa turned off the camera and the team assemble around their leader.

[/REC]

She nods. “With what I have planned, the crowd is going to be on my side. Julia’s going to have an uphill battle. I won’t lose!”

“Right!” Everyone yelled.

 

YUYO enjoyed the swingset more than someone her age should. Up-and-down! Up-and-down! Up-and-down! Faster… faster… faster… At the end of the long arch, there was that second that you flew, or at least you felt like you were flying. YUYO stretched out her arms, spanning her imaginary wings. This time, however, her petite frame slipped in the swing. YUYO really did go flying, towards playground equipment headfirst.

Everything went black after that. Or before that?

???? stared at the tinkering ceramic seahorse. The smug look on the inanimate painted face mocked ????’s agony. ???? reached up and slapped the silly piece of playground equipment across the face, hurting her hand in the process; however, the throbbing pain radiating in her head drowned out any pain she felt in her now injured hand. ???? reached up and touched her hand, pulled away with a hand slippery slick in red wetness. Crimson blood stared at her. She panicked. Not only did it appear her memories were gone, but she had injured herself.

She resorted to her self-preservation skills, buried deep within her natural instincts. She turned around and started balling her eyes out, ensuring that anyone in the immediate area would come to her assistance. After all, ???? was only a small girl and she had been hurt.

 

The screaming caught Meowkazawa’s attention. Beezlebubble launched first in action, however, charging forward towards the wailing Yumi. Beelzebubble knelt down and immediately started to examine the head wound Yumi suffered.

“RAWR!”

“AHHH! FREAK!” Yumi repelled from the massive man over her. She fell back awards, crawled in reverse, scrambling away from Beezlebubble. Beezlebubble lowered his head in shame. The only person that ever accepted his dinosaur fetish now rejected him, crushing her heart in that very instance. “Stay away from me! I’m still a virgin! Don’t rape me!”

The last stew of concerns alarmed Meowkazawa, finally drawing him into action. He tossed himself onto the floor, covered Yumi’s mouth. He wasn’t aware of the play Yumi was getting at but those words would end up getting Jack thrown into jail. Despite their many, many differences, Meowkazawa and Jack reached a mutual understanding. Now that Meowkazawa thought twice, he might have set himself up with some jail time, at the very least a strong line of police questioning, as he now covered the mouth and held down an injured girl in the middle of the park after she finished screaming ‘rape’. Meowkazawa knew that in prison, he would be turned into a bitch given his soft furry mask. He supposed that what he gets for abandoning his beautiful wife and wonderful child back in Japan to be with Yumi.

“Yumi, you need to calm down. We’re in a public place. People won’t understand your jokes. Do you want Beezlebubble taken away from you?” Meowkazawa whispered in Yumi’s ear. She suddenly bit his hand and went fleeing into the nearby woods, letting out a bloodcurdling scream. Against his better judgment, Meowkazawa found himself in close pursuit.  

“I wouldn’t stay here if I was you,” Meowkazawa warned Beezlebubble. Beezlebubble nodded his head feverishly, snapping out his morose place of mind.

“RAWR!” Beezlebubble shouted, joining the pursuit of a bloodied girl, dressed up like some magical girl from a Japanese anime. Concerned parents shielded their children from the commotion. A few tough guys joined in the pursuit, but Meowkazwa assured they were chasing after the weird perverts chasing after an injured girl. Meowkazwa had to believe there was a God who was up there, laughing at Meowkazawa’s misfortune.

“The prognosis is temporary amnesia, caused by a serious concussion,” the doctor declared. He stepped out over the room, eager to see another patient. Both Beezlebubble and Meowkazawa nursed bruises on their freshly swollen faces. The thugs managed to catch up, both happened to be mixed martial artists, and both happened to kick their asses all while some Karens swarmed Yumi. Police showed. Luckily, Meowkazawa explained away handcuffs through he considered that a miracle of God rather than any savvy charisma check.

“Are you my dad?” Yumi questioned. “Or are you my Dad? Am I a dinosaur?”

“He didn’t say how long temporary was, did he?” Meowkazawa frowned, ignoring the question.

“Are either of you my guardian?”

“I am that,” Meowkazawa answered. He took Yumi by the hand and started to lead her out of the hospital. “It’s time to go home.”

“Are my parents dead? Am I an orphan?”

“Of course not. They’re fine. They’re in Japan- hey, look don’t start crying now!” Meowkazawa exclaimed when he caught sight of Yumi stopping dead in her tracks. She looked up at the fluorescent ceilings lights in the hospital hallway, and waterworks gushed out of her large round button eyes. “Yumi! It’s going to be alright!”

“Why did my parents abandon me with some weirdo in a catmask? That must mean they don’t love me!”

“I’m your manager. You’re a professional wrestler,” Meowkazawa answered. Beezebubble went to release an affirmative roar, but Meowkazawa stopped him with a shaking of his head. He didn’t want the poor girl anymore confused as she was. Yumi, however, did not stop crying. In fact, in addition to her sobbing, she started to hammer her fists onto Meowkazawa’s chests. The entire hallway turned and stared at Meowkazawa. Two burly nurses left their wards and approached Meowkazawa and Beezlebubble, the two men dressed in furry outfits, trying to make unwanted advances on a poor, injured child.

 

?????????? turned towards the brute next to him, wondering why an adult man would degrade himself by dressing up as a dragon. The beast narrowed his eyes. Was there something on my face? ?????????? reached up and felt soft, fur. What was wrong with him? Was he a freak too? ?????????? hurried towards the mirror within the hospital room, his hands running over the cat mask adorned on his face. ?????????? desperately tried to remove the mask from his face, but the mask was stuck. Furthermore, there was a faint odor emitting from the mask. How long has he had this mask on?!

“The prognosis is temporary amnesia, caused by a serious concussion,” the doctor stated. ?????????? jumped and turned. He was in a hospital. A small girl, dressed in odd cosplay, stood beside the doctor, shaking her head grimly.

“Doctor! Doctor, please…. YUYO doesn’t think she should be babysitting these men. She has a match to prepare for…”

“What’s a YUYO?” the catman asked as he returned to sit beside his lizard compatriot.

The lizard compatriot shrugged his shoulders. “Rawr?”

“Okay. Okay. Enough of the lip service, boys. As of today, you’re in the care of Nurse YUYO and she’s going to make certain you two are all okay. Thank your kind, benevolent master for devoting her time in your speedy recovery,” YUYO spoke.  YUYO then turned towards the doctor. “Doctor, I need a nurse’s uniform STAT or this won’t work.”

“We don’t hand those out. Besides, you’re all clear to go home.”

“YUYO thinks that is UNFORGIVABLE! Let’s go, you two!?”

“Are you my daughter?” Meowkazawa found himself asking weakly, following the small girl before him as she parades him and the Jurassic Park fanatic out of the hospital.

 

 

FIJI

The warm tropical winds rolled over the crystal-clear ocean waters. A roar accompanied every wave, building its monstrous statue only to meet its own demise when washing upon the sandy beach. Meowkazawa watched as another wave consumed Yumi’s small frame. Her body rocked back by the impact. The blast of water crossed her face, leaving her dripping as she kept her eyes closed during the turbulence. She had been at it for an hour now.

Ten yards behind her. The ordained sensei, Hiro Tanaka, lounged on a chair, shaded by an umbrella. A fruity tropical beverage rested on the side table beside him. The glass sweated in the humid heat. Meowkazawa himself loathed the weather, after all, who wanted to wear a furry mask during summer heat. He always hoped the glue would dissolve for him to be finally freed from the curse that plagued him. The mask remained. He would have also felt some resentment towards the supposed trainer; however, Yumi determined their activities. Hiro Tanaka surely benefited from having a week vacation but Meowkazawa didn’t have any right to complain, he too joined the party as they conducted a proper “beach special”.

The girl watched too much anime.

Every day, she groaned, waking at dawn though it had been her decision. Every day her mind came up with some bizarre training exercise, more suitable for a fantastical Kungfu flick than practical real-life purposes. This was her training regime. At least she filled some of the time with actual training, such as mat exercises with Hiro, lengthy discussions about transitions and counters, and then cardio. Her lackadaisical showing at the Year End Special in Supreme Championship Wrestling had bothered her. For the first time in her young career, she was confronted with the fact that there were a whole body of wrestlers better than her.

Meowkazawa sat down beside the teacher. His eyes became fixated on Yumi’s thin frame. Ever since he left his family to be with Yumi again, he had felt a sense of completeness. He belonged by the young woman’s side. A certain sense of gravitation towards her client had become noticeable, especially when compared to the restlessness he felt during the short period he was relieved of his duties.

Hiro cleared his voice. Meowkazawa glanced over at the man. Hiro tilted his sunglasses down and declared: “You’re staring.”

“No, I’m not!” Meowkazawa burned up with embarrassment.

“Very suspicious, Meowkazawa. Veerrryy suspicious. After all, you have a wife. I wonder what she would think if she knew you were oogling a woman half your age,” Hiro dared suggested. Meowkazawa’s jaw dropped at the impropriety that Hiro Tanaka accused him. He huffed, standing up to his feet, shoveling the sand off his shorts.

“Good sir, I promise you that there is nothing of the sort going on.”

“Surrrrreeee, there isn’t!”

“Don’t make me defend my honor-” Meowkazawa shouted but before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by a loud roar. The next thing Meowkazawa knew, he was staring up at the bright blue sky. Beezlebubble towered over him, his head hung low, with a volleyball in his hand. “I’m not playing volley-“

They played beach volleyball. Hiro Tanaka and Meowkazawa formed one team, Yumi and Beezlebubble formed the other. All because Yumi had overheard the mention of playing volleyball. Despite the little tension prior, Tanaka and Meowkazawa operated as a good team. Their opposition didn’t. Beezlebubble was a one-man wrecking crew, his great height made it easy for him to spike the ball to score the only points for his team. Yumi kept batting the ball into the net, only to eat the ball there after. The game didn’t last long as it ended when Yumi stomped off the beach to use the ladies’ room. She didn’t return to the beach that day.

♫ YUYO wants to be the very best,
Like no one ever was,
To fight them is her real test,
To derail them is her cause!

♫ She will travel across the land,
Searching far and wide.
Each enemy to understand,
The power that’s inside!

♫ YUYO-CHAN!
Gotta beat em’ all!

♫ It’s you and her,
She knows it’s her destiny!

♫ YUYO-CHAN!

♫ Oh, the people her best friend,
In a world she must defend!

♫ YUYO-CHAN!
Gotta beat em’ all!

♫ A heart so true,
Her courage will pull us through!

---

YU-WARS
EPISODE I

Having been defeated within the hallowed halls of the pyramid, by the hands of the great champion of darkness, WILLOW WILKES, YUYO sets out to seek out more strength in order to return to EMERGE and rid the promotion of evil for once and for all. Joined by her trusty dinosaur, BEEZLEBUBBLE, and recently reunited and glorified manservant, MISTER MEOWKAZAWA, YUYO searches the globe for a master capable of unlocking YUYO’s inner potential. 

YUYO knows the journey ahead will be difficult as there is expected to be a great number of training montages. After having studied many kung fu films and shounen animes, YUYO has learned the secrets to metamorphosis needed to save the world.  Her master must be washed-up, salty, and reluctant. She sets out to find the perfect candidate, HIRO TANAKA, who is said to be secluded deep amidst the great peaks of the rocky mountains.

For her to truly blossom into the next tier of YUYO, YUYO must be challenged unlike others in an alien environment. YUYO must travel to the lands of SUPREME CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING and compete against their best in order to reach the next level of her transformation. There, within the battle royal of the ages, she fights under the watchful eyes of Valhalla and tempers her resolve in order to become the most powerful magical cosmic princess in the galaxy.

---

“No, I’m no longer taking students,” Hiro Tanaka promptly responded as he stood in line to check out in the grocery store. Somehow this small woman had approached him while he was checking out fresh produce. Ignoring her desperate pleas while inspecting the quality of vegetables was difficult.

She kowtowed before him at the end of the checkout line. The bag boy and the elder cashier both gave Hiro Tanaka a strange, judging look. I swear I’m not a lolicon! Please stop looking at me as if I’ve done something to this girl!

“Please, Master Tanaka. You’re my only hope,” the would-be magical cosmic princess cried in frustration. Behind her stood a pair of men wearing animal masks. One bore the mask of a tiger. The other bore the mask of a lizard. Both had their arms crossed, had if they were the girl’s enforcers. Everything felt bizarre, but he reminded himself the world of professional wrestling was filled with maniacs and weirdos, himself included. 

“I have taken leave from training. I am no longer worthy of teaching,” Hiro explained as he plugged his card into the reader. “Yoyo-”

“YUYO” all three strangers corrected him in unison.

“YUYO, I don’t know why you have this fascination with me being your master. There are plenty of better candidates out there, I assure you.” Hiro nodded to the store employees before slipping his bags around his hands. He turned and found the girl blocking his path. Her eyes drooped down, her bottom lip curled over. She even whined, seeming to be pining for a ‘yes’. 

“No.”

“Yes!”

“No.”

“YES!”

“NO!”

“YES!”

Hiro sighed, realizing they were making a scene out in public. He didn’t feel embarrassed even though he thought he should be. Arguing with a small girl in such a manner seemed childish, but how else was he going to escape her. Hiro Tanaka made the decision not to train anyone, to focus on his own career and attempt to finish his goals before they grew too late. He could not divert time and energy to help this YUYO character; besides, she definitely was odd and oddities always brought disaster from Hiro’s experience.

“Please, Master Tanaka. Pretty please! It only needs to be for a week!” She cried as he brushed past her to make his way towards the exit.

“A week?” He questioned loudly, wondering if he had heard her right.

“The battle royal is in a week.“

“That is surely not enough time to prepare you properly for that battle royal. You need months of rigorous training and lessons, and even then, you’re competing against the best. You’re crazy to think you’ll be ready,”  Hiro explained as he crossed the parking lot to his beat-up Corolla. He dropped the bags into the trunk and stepped up to his driver’s side door. He eyed the girl, who now stood with her entire body placed in the back of the car. “It’s impossible.“

“I can give you my body!” YUYO shouted. Now that embarrassed Hiro Tanaka, his cheeks burning with a flush. What was with this nutcase? Both of her escorts seemed just as shocked he was, as their jaws dropped at the mention. All three men quickly scanned their surroundings to ascertain no one noticed the girl’s uncanny declaration.

“I don’t want anything to do with you! I like my women with breasts thank you very much!” A flustered Hiro Tanaka responded. 

“Once you go flat, you always comes back!” She pouted.

“No, thank you,” Hiro doubled up. He climbed into the driver’s seat, and as he turned his key in the ignition, his car was suddenly filled with visitors. The men sat in the back and the YUYO girl hopped into shotgun. “I’m fairly certain that this is illegal.“

“Fine! I can offer you cash! Hard, cold cash to train me!“

“I said, there’s no point… wait, how much are we talking about here?” Hiro bit. He could use some more cashflow, bookings were sparse and he had a number of outstanding bills left over from the fire. His insurance failed to cover all of his expenses.

“Five thousand dollars.“

“Sold!” Hiro Tanaka blurted out. He would have done a week for a proportion of the amount, but that wasn’t something he was about to tell her. He did feel guilty, taking advantage of a girl like this, but he suspected that she wasn’t going to accept ‘no’ until police and restraining orders were involved.

“YAY!” 

“Now where do we begin?“

She screamed, fangirling out in such a way only prepubescent girls had done once before in history, for the Canadian travesty named Justin Bieber: “TRAINING MONTAGES!“

---

Mr. Meokazawa was present for all of his clients’ so-called training exercises. He observed her cleaning and waxing the Hiro Tanaka’s old Toyota. He witnessed her batting at tennis balls, fired from a baseball pitching machine. Jumprope, lots of jump rope, an insane obnoxious amount of jump rope. Balancing atop a ball, plates. Pushups over lit candles. And of course, how could one leave out using a butchered cow as a makeshift punching bag from any good training montage.

 

---

[REC]

“I’m ready!” Yumi shouted at the cellar device, held in the hands of Beezlebubble, her pet YUYOSHI. On top of her head is a Santa hat. She had decked out for the holidays, slim-fitting crimson dress with white frills stretched over her petite frame. The EMERGE Spirit Championship is strapped around her waist tightly.

Yumi proceeded: “After a week of the most intense training underneath iron chef, Master Tanaka, YUYO has tempered her body, her spirit, her mind to prepare for the ultimate challenge! I will travel to the lands of Supreme Championship Wrestling where YUYO will fight some of the best in order to seize their ultimate relic, the holiest of weapons in the world, the SCW World Championship.  She will survive the melee to seize control of that holy grail. She will add the ultimate weapon to her already radical arsenal of relics and return to the kingdom that is EMERGE, better and stronger than before!

“YUYO will destroy Willow Wilkes with her newfound power!“

“For the past thirty-some days, YUYO has had to struggle, to overcome the defeat at the hands of Willow Wilkes in the unholy Pyramid and then her untimely loss to Selena Frost in the tournament to honor Ricky Martin! Failure is not acceptable in Japanese society, it is not acceptable for a magical cosmic princess! Think about all the people of Japan that YUYO had let down, especially the girls who look up to YUYO as their idol. The world depends on her success, her strength to keep the darkness at bay! YUYO has no other choice than to enter herself into the fray, to put herself in harm’s way again, in an effort to become stronger, quicker, better… more magical!“

Suddenly, she popped up into the air, with one fist flying forward. A pixelated ‘1-UP!’ will be inserted into the video. “It will be an EXXXXXXXXPPLLOSSSION brought to you by one, YUYO, is going to take the world by storm. It will knock down all the competitors, they’re not going to know what hit them, but it will be a small tempest named YUYO! Swirling, swirling, swirling around with energy unparalleled, YUYO will seize the day and become the heroine that everyone believes she can be!“

“The time is neigh. YUYO ascends to the heavens and becomes much more than simply a magical cosmic girl, she will become a Goddess of everything that is right and good in the world! Watch and believe! THE SCW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP IS MINE FOR THE TAKING!” YUYO broke out in a hard effort of a maniacal laugh as the camera was shut off by Beezlebubble before any more damage to Yumi’s reputation occurred.

[/REC]

The big dragon nodded to his master as he returned the phone to her side. Behind him, Mr. Meowkazwa wiped the sweat from his forehead and Hiro Tanaka counted his newly made money.  Only YUYO was confident that she was going to win this match, her supporting cast all had their respective doubts.

 

Prelude
The pain.

Sharp stabs. Agony radiating. Darkness gathering, surrounding, blanketing YUYO.

How could things end like this? Is it all over? This is how YUYO’s story end?

A steady heartbeat echoing. The bass shake her entire body. Cold. YUYO felt cold.

Her weak body fought her commands. The magic left her appendages, her circuitry fried from the last, Willow’s ultimate attack. That all YUYO remembered. She flew but not in the whimsical, fairy dust fashion, but the mere force of the Dark Queen’s attack sent her flying through the air. Gravity gone, distorted by the enormous presence of dark energy. YUYO remembered using the last of her spirit energy to hold on, pull her back to safety but then what?

Everything went black after that.

Now YUYO’s body refused to respond. If she had been a robot, a loud annoying beeping noise and the smell of smoke would have accompanied the wreckage of her body. But she wasn’t. YUYO was a magical cosmic princess, the defender of the multiverse, and most importantly, an interdimensional idol.

Her story couldn’t end like this.

YUYO’s the heroine after all of this story. There’s no way she’s finished!

YUYO tilted her head forward to inspect the damage. She found herself in the middle of a field of snow. Her body rested in a crater of her impact. The numbness in her fingers concerned her. She shivered violently as she pulled.

Why was she alone?

Where were her allies?

Where was her pet YUYOSHI?

Where was her feline manservant?

“Hello! Where is everyone?” YUYO called out into the icy cold winter night. She pushed herself up, but her body failed her. She didn’t give up. She rolled over, pushed down upon the ground. With another shove, she threw herself up. Why was her hand bleeding? Not important, she must make it to safety. She had to survive. The story cannot end like this! The damage sustained obviously was too great, her balance had been misplaced, leading her to fall backward, starting a tumble from out of the crater and down a long sloping hill. Finally, with an explosion of soft snow, she came to an end.

“Halp!”

“BEEZLEBUBBLE!”

“MEOWKAZAWA!”

“Halp!”

No one responded. YUYO was alone. Very alone. Very cold. That she remembered. She sent Meowkazawa away. No, he abandoned her. And Beezlebubble disagreed with her, so she locked him away in order to teach him a lesson. YUYOSHIs were not supposed to so insolent towards their mistresses! Feline manservants weren’t supposed to leave their mistress’s side! Sure, YUYO knew she wasn’t the easiest person to get along with, after all… being a companion of the world’s last hope meant nothing but damage and chaos. BUT they knew! They knew what they signed up for!

So why was YUYO here… all alone?

Why was Yumi left shattered after a defeat, abandoned out in the cold? Tears welled in her eyes. Tears started to stream along her cheeks, the biting wind pressed the tears against her skins. Those tears stung so greatly.

All Yumi wanted to go home. All Yumi wanted was her friends!

---

ACT I
Meowkazawa cursed the stubborn front door of his Tokyo apartment. With a shoulder, the door finally freed itself from the tight fit of the door frame. He stumbled in but in doing so, he came stumbling over a large toy drum truck. His shin hit hard plastic as he fell forward. The truck rolled with him and his briefcase and suitcase went flying into the air. Both decided to land ungraciously upon his exposed back. He released a grunt.

In the other room, there was a loud thud and commotion. Meowkazawa rolled on his back, stared up at the overhead light. Just his luck. First, YUYO fired him. Now, his grand return home to Japan began in such embarrassing fashion. He knew he been cursed since birth. After all, he was a man who had a cat mask forever glued to his face.

“Dear, what are you doing on the floor?” Himari’s cute voice served as a melody to his ears. She stood in the door frame of the hallway, leading to the bedrooms.

Meowkazwa sat up, remained Indian-style, smiling at his beautiful wife. For a moment, his eyes lingered on her childbearing hips, perfectly suited to bear him another child. She seemed slightly distressed though and that pulled him free from the perverted manifestations of his dirty mind. One child was enough. Her typically immaculate onyx hair seemed ruffled, not in its usual prim and proper ponytail. Her shirt appeared disheveled, wrinkled, and also drawn towards one side, revealing a bare shoulder. No bra strap though.

“Have you been working yourself too hard again, cleaning? I told you not to push yourself so much. I can perfectly live with a little bit of a mess.”

“Oh, yes! Cleaning! I’ve… been cleaning all morning! I didn’t expect you to be home so soon.”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“Here I am. I’m very surprised!” Himari fitted him with the biggest grin she could possibly muster, a smile that one knew immediately took a lot of effort to show, but the guest was obviously a display of how much she wanted to greet him after a long absence from their home. He didn’t know what he did to deserve this brilliant angel in his life.

“Oh, what was that noise… wait-,” A deep voice barked. Mr. Yamamoto, the young apartment manager, waltzed into the room, stepping up beside Himara. He suddenly turned his body to pivot back towards the way he came but stopped. He eyed Meowkazwa and bowed his head.

“Your husband has returned…”

“Yes… my husband has returned!”

“Oh! Yamamoto, I didn’t mean to make such a disturbance. You must be here once again because something broke. If I was a better husband, I would be here to fix it without Himara here constantly pestering you. But alas, I’m not. So I thank you for helping my wife out,” Meowkazawa greeted the man and offered his own bow. Meowkazawa always noticed that Yamamoto had taken a special liking to the Meowkazawa household. Service requests were always answered so promptly. Despite his gratitude toward the attentive apartment manager, Meowkazawa wished he scouted better for a home. The apartment always seemed to have something turn up needing repair. Still, being prioritized by such a diligent apartment manager was a blessing too.

“Yes! Oh yes! A leak in your bathroom-,” Yamamoto quickly confirmed.

“Yes! A leak. When you came home, I was just showing him where the leak was coming from. Thus my appearance. I’m so embarrassed for you to see me in such a mess,” Himara interjected as she straightened her outfit. Meowkazawa didn’t know she intended the apology towards him or towards Yamamoto.

“Well, I won’t keep you form it! Water damage is greatly expensive. Once again, thank you!” Meowkazawa nodded eagerly as he climbed to his feet.

“Right!” Yamamoto hurried past Meowkazawa towards the bathroom.

With Yamamoto gone, Meowkazawa delivered a kiss to his wife or at least tried to. He aimed for the lips, but the beautiful klutz must have not realized his intention, so she turned at the most inopportune moment and only her soft cheek. Still she blushed. Always so modest! Always so shy! Ideal Japanese housewife right here! Even now, she blushed from the gesture! And they were married for years now!

“Where’s the boy?”

“He’s at school of course.”

“Oh, of course! My internal clock is all wonky from being overseas. I’m going to tell you this, dear, I’m so glad to be home, to see you once again, my last client was a real monster, let me tell you. She wore me out. All the messes she left behind in her wake… every single one I had to clean up. Best thing to ever happen for me was a change. I’m so glad I convinced my boss to fine me a new client,” Meowkazawa explained to his wife as he lifted his suitcase and briefcase up from off the floor. Still, thinking about Yumi filled him with overbearing concern. She was going to be completely lost without him. Who knew what trouble she would find herself… alone… in America.

“Leak’s gone! Everything’s fixed! I’ll leave you two to it,” Yamamoto stated, waving goodbye as he darted towards the door. “See you around!”

“Hold it!” Meowkazawa shouted. Yamamoto jumped a mile in the air. That’s right Meowkazawa remembered that the man always seemed to be an easy man to spook. Good thing, Meowkazawa caught his attention before his left. “Where’s your toolbag? Hey, I don’t want you to forget anything now.”

“Ah. Yes. Toolbag…”

Meowkazawa shook his head in disbelief. The man seemed to be almost as forgetful as Himara. No wonder those two got along great. Suddenly, Himara grabbed Meowkazawa by the shoulders and started to usher him down the hallway. “Let’s get you unpacked and settled in, shall we?”

“Oh, I’m very blessed with a wonderful wife. You’re so good to me,” Meowkazawa accepted her kindness. The warmth he felt towards her was the best sensation he ever felt in his life. “You’re too good. Not everyone woman would stay with a husband who is away for months at a time. But here I have you, my sweet sweet wife. You’re loyal, hardworking, and so caring. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

”You’re too much with flattery!” Himara chided him as they entered the bedroom. He set his suitcase on the unmade bed; blankets were tossed about. She must have not had the chance to clean the bedroom yet. No bother. He knew she would tend to this mess soon enough. By the time he is ready for bed, he’d be welcomed by a tidied room. She never left things undone.

“Home sweet home. How I’ve missed you!” He started taking out his dress shirts from the suitcase. He paused for a moment and eyed his wife, who is hovering towards the far side of the room. “I think I’m never going to leave you again for so long. From now on, only Japanese assignments!”

“Oh!” Himara responded. Obviously, the decision overwhelmed her with joy.

The last article of clothing in the suitcase was a bright pink shirt. He raised it in front of him and examined. An image of a housecat shooting laser beams out of its eyes was printed on the front. A gift from Yumi. Yumi said the shirt remaindered her of him and had to buy it for him. She could be sweet on the occasion. I really hope she hasn’t gotten herself into any trouble. She has that dinosaur asshole with her. She’d be fine… well, mostly fine.

She’ll survive. Yeah…

---

ACT II
Knock! Knock!

“RAWR!”

Knock! Knock!

“RAWR!”

Knock! Knock!

“God damn it, let me out!” Jack, also known as Beezlebubble, cursed. Yumi decided to lock him in a janitor’s closet. All because he objected to the way she handled Meowkazawa’s discharge. Yes, the man was a square and needed to loosen up, but the man knew the business and handled all the business side of things flawlessly for Yumi. And deep down, Jack knew that Meowkazawa, despite being a pompous pussy, cared for Yumi. And in Jack’s book, that was all that mattered in life. Surrounding yourself with people who genuinely care for you and your wellbeing.

Jack threw his shoulder once more into the door and this time, the door broke free. He didn’t know how long he had been trapped within that small confined space. At first, he thought everything was a prank, but after a few minutes, he really realized that Yumi had meant to keep him locked up as punishment. Sometimes that girl infuriated him. She was loads of fun all right, but occasionally, a terrible idea popped up into her head. She never thought through her ideas and never considered the consequences of her actions. But that was Yumi, and that a part of her personality that seemed so infectious.

“Where is that girl?” Jack muttered.

As if time perfectly by fate, Yumi came stumbling down the hallway in a complete daze. She seemed to be pale as a ghost. Her feet barely lifting to complete the next step, almost dragging along the smooth cement of the arena’s back hall. Blood dripped from her hand. She had been injured in her match.

“RAWR!” Jack assumed the act.

“RAWR!”

“BEEZLEBUBBLE! Where are you!?” YUYO shouted. She continued her trek through the frozen tundra. Her breathes had long become labored. Her entire body remained cold. Hypothermia threatened her limbs, frostbite might end her career. Yet she needed to march forward, but as soon as she saw a bright glow of light, over the next snowdrift, she faltered. She slipped and fell. She remained there, with her back on the ground.

“RAWR!” but roar sounded so muffled.

“BEEZLEBUBBLE! YUYO NEEDS YOU! I SUMMON THEE!” YUYO called out. In a fit of frustration, she started to do snow angels, wishing with all her magical energy to teleport her pet dinosaur. She really needed a friend right now!

Beezlebubble, also known as Jack, towered over the downed Yumi. She waved her arms and legs as if she was trying to do a snow angel on the cement floor. Something had gone wrong with the match earlier, terribly wrong, wrong enough to break Yumi completely.

“RAWR!” was the only acceptable response; after all, we all had a part to play and Beezlebubble’s part was to be a dinosaur to the young, fearless girl.

After a few more broad waving of the arms and legs, Yumi curled up into a ball, full fetal position. Beezlebubble knelt down, scooping up his friend into his arms. She buried her face into his chest and started to weep. The last time he saw someone sob so hard was his own little sister when the family dog was hit by the mailman. Yumi needed him now but was a pet dinosaur enough in these troubled times?

ACT III
“No…” Meowkazawa immediately responded as soon as he saw Beezlebubble standing there in front of his door. In his arms, a ghost of Yumi seemed to be held. She did not seem responsive. Her red eyes stared blankly through Meowkazawa

“RAWR?” Jack dared to question with his fork tongue.

“She dismissed me. I wash my hands of her. She’s your responsibility now, tough guy. You can’t dump all the responsibility back onto me. There are not takebacksies in professional wrestling! I know you flew all the way across the ocean to convince me to rejoin the good fight but I’m happy here, to be reunited with my loving, caring, definitely loyal wife,” Meowkazawa answered but he is forced out of the way by the much bigger dinosaur wannabe. Meowkazawa chased after the duo as Jack carried Yumi into the living room. He laid the girl across the couch before stepping up to Meowkazawa. Meowkazawa prepared himself to show some claws. This was his house after all! No one steps into a lion’s den and messes with him! He was the king of his jungle, damn it!

“Rawr…” he responded flat, gesturing towards the other room. As soon as they entered the kitchen, Jack spoke quietly and quickly, “Man, she’s not eating. She’s not sleeping. She keeps breaking out with these weird chants. She refuses to see a doctor. Something happened in that Pyramid and she’s not the same. The same Yumi that went in didn’t come out. She’s changed. Just look at her!”

“Oh, now that things became rough, you come crawling back to me, wanting to bail you out. If I remember correctly, she kicked me out, and you saw to it to show me the door personally,” Meokazawa fired back. He crossed his arms, showing Jack that he meant business here. Manipulation won’t work on this cat.

“I know. I know. But I had to listen to her orders, dude. I had to. And after a few hours of you being away, everything just went off the rails. She spent everything… every cent. She’s lucky that my parents are loaded or she’d be out of a home. But that shows how much you did for her. I had no idea!”

“Well, now you do, but it’s too late. She fired me.”

“She needs you, man. We need you. I know that you and I don’t always see eye to eye-“

“Understatement-“

“- But I have always respected you as a man. I know you’re a good, hardworking soldier deep down and that you’ve been nothing but the best manager a professional wrestler could ever ask for. I know, deep down instead, you can’t let her go. She’s always going to be your client. And that’s extreme professionalism that you embody is going to come through and you’re going to come to her rescue,” Jack whipped into a passionate speech, all while somehow maintaining a low quiet voice. The speech stunned Meowkazawa. In fact, he could not deny he was touched by how Jack understood him, what he stood for. He almost had to wipe a tear from his eyes.

Now Meowkazawa’s voice revealed pain as he had to reject, “I can’t. Our journey together has come to an end. It’s you and Yumi’s turn to go on. I promised my wife, I’d only take Japanese assignments from here on out. ”

A thud struck the table beside him. A suitcase greeted him, his wife holding onto its handle. Meowkazawa stared questioning after her as if seeking permission. She nodded ‘yes’.

“Go on,” Himari directed.

“Are you sure? I can’t leave you again. Not like this. I promised.”

“I’ll be fine here. I’m a strong woman, dear. You don’t have to worry about me. All’s taken care of,” she said, eagerness in her voice. Meowkazawa teared up. How was he blessed with such a wonderful wife? So willing to sacrifice to let him fulfill his life’s mission. So brave. So supportive. He hurried in and again, his lips netted nothing but the cheek, but that kiss served a symbol of his undying love for her.

Jack cleared his voice.

“I’m in…” Meowkazawa declared.

Epilogue
“Yumi… you can’t give up. You must keep fighting. You have so much to live for!” a familiar voice reached her.

She had fallen asleep out in the arctic wasteland. She started to stir, sitting up in the center of another snow angel she made.

“Mr. Meowkazawa? Is that you?” YUYO called out.

“Yumi, snap out of it! Have you really forgotten your dream?” Had she? No, YUYO wasn’t someone who gave up on her dream because she met failure. YUYO battled to her feet, knocking off a thick coat of snow from her body.

“Meowkazawa!” She called out again and turned. She didn’t realize the bright, glowing orb was now right beside her.

“Yumi, you can’t give up! Not now! The heroine of the story always gets up.”

“You’re right! YUYO can’t give up! She must fight! If she doesn’t fight, all the boys and the girls in the world will be disappointed in her! If she gives up, the darkness will devour the world and we will be left with nothing but the darkest shadows! YUYO’s the chosen one! It’s her responsibility! She can’t give up!”

“RAWR!”

“Beezebubble! Meowkazawa!” YUYO yelled as she reached out with both arms and embraced the bright orb. The orb filled her with immense warmth. She no longer felt weak. She no longer felt cold. No, she had the power of friendship. She tried to take on the evil queen by herself, try to seize the ultimate weapon, but in her arrogance, she realized now, that she had left behind her allies. Every heroine had a merry band of sidekicks at their disposal. They didn’t abandon her…. She abandoned them!

Yumi slammed Meowkazawa’s and Beezlebubble’s heads together as she embraced them both. She clung onto them, refusing to let go. She was happy they were reunited and secretly hoped they both forgave her for her stubbornness.

But now was not the time to issue apologies… now was the time to get back up and continue the good fight!

Shoot

“Three… two… one… go!” Mr. Meowkazawa counted down from behind the video camera.

[REC]

Yumi burst out behind scarlet curtains, the Spirit Championship carried over one of her slender shoulders. She pointed towards the camera before her.

“YUYO is back, better than ever! The evil queen might have defeated me and kept the ultimate weapon secured. She might have used the pyramid’s great powers against me, but she did not kill me! Willow Wilkes can never kill the light no matter how hard she might try!” Yumi started strong and fast. She dropped her hands onto her hips and chuckled to herself. She puffed out her chest. “Now what better way for YUYO to return but to the battlefield in order to fight in the honor of the great Ricky Martin!”

Yumi spun around and hit a button on a tape recorder. “Livin’ La Vida Loca”, the number-one hit song by Rick Martin filled the air. Unfortunately, EMERGE didn’t want to pay the royalties for the song so the audience did not exactly hear the music but instead saw Yumi dancing in her red mage’s robe to a silent beat.

Both Meowkazawa and Jack cleared their voice. Meowkazawa explained the interrupt, “The tournament isn’t for Ricky Martin, but Ricky Octavius. A wrestler and a friend to many that passed away.”

“Oh…” YUYO suddenly dropped her arms. She frowned. Teary-eyed. “You said he was a friend to all?”

“Many people who are in this tournament knew him personally. Now he might never have achieved any measure of success in the ring… outside, he’s remembered as a great friend and his passing was mourned almost universally in the business,” Meowkazawa explained as he scratched the back of his head. He found himself almost in disbelief that Yumi managed to miss all the attention the death caught.

YUYO nodded. She pointed towards overhead. She spoke in a very somber voice, as somber of tone as YUYO could possibly muster: “YUYO might never have known Ricky Octavius. YUYO might never heard of Ricky Octavius until this very moment, but if YUYO’s loyal ally, Meowkazawa vouches for your greatness as a human being, then she is no doubt honored to compete in your memory. You symbolize the power that friendship as. Without friends, we are left alone in this cold cruel world. Friends lift us up in the darkest of times. Friends share with us the joy we feel in the best of times. YUYO has an obligation… a duty… to fight for everyone and pay tribute for everyone who might have lost a friend too soon! And pay tribute to those very same friends we cherished in this life or the next.”

“YUYO knows that we all might be gathering under grave circumstances. YUYO knows that she will compete and face off against many of those who are still mourning. But to properly pay respect to Ricky Octavius, the wrestler, YUYO’s going to do everything in her power to win. She will make him smile from the heavens above. She’s going to put on the best wrestling possible for the man so even though he’s passed on the other side, he still be entertained. She’s not going to hold back, and she knows that no of his friends would want YUYO’s to hold back.”

YUYO thrusts her fist high into the air. She keeps her hands clenched as she delivered the final lines with much vigor and passion, “So YUYO’s return will be a bittersweet occasion, but she’s going to give it her all once more! For the power of friendship! For the memory of Ricky Octavius!

[/REC]

 

Take 1
[REC]

“Woooooo. You said a very bad word, Mister Donnie Dark,” Yumi Yoshida pushed her lips out as she wagged her finger towards the screen. She stood atop a crate. Around her waist, strapped tightly, was her EMERGE Spirt Championship belt.

“Danny Darko,” Mr. Meowkazawa corrected. YUYO probably had heard the name Darko associated with Hollywood. He caught the disappointed flashed across her diminutive face capped with wrinkled scrunching the bridge of her pointed nose.

“Oh…” Yumi uttered, expression skepticism at that fact. “So he’s not that cult classic that everyone talks about on the Reddits.”

“Donnie Darko is a fictional character, Yumi.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say about someone. So if I’m hearing you right…” Yumi paused for a moment. Her finger stabbed towards the ceiling. Meowkazawa braced himself. While he didn’t exactly know exactly what she was about to say, let’s be honest, who could possibly understand the delusional logic of the girl, he exactly knew the nature. Stupid. Imaginary. Something you suspect a six-year-old would say, not a full-fledged adult. He sucked the air as he braced himself. Already, his mind hurt even before she began. “So Donnie Darko-…”

“Danny Darko.”

“Whatever… was summoned by the shadowy figures of EMERGE from an alternate universe in order to stop YUYO from ousting them and liberating EMERGE from their evil clutches. YUYO should have suspected that they would resort to such desperate measures. They don’t want to lose their precious new propaganda machine. The Consortium is obviously working with the Dark Lord, but YUYO’s not sure what exactly their relationship. Whatever it is, YUYO must stop them from further converting the people of this great community towards the dark side…” Yumi nodded her head while holding his chin in hand. She hummed an approving tune. “Of course, Donny-…”

“Danny!”

“Of course, Sir Darko, must possess incredible power for them to go through the summoning process and bring him to this world called IWC. But YUYO doubts that he was very chivalrous in the other world. Did you hear how he dropped F-bombs? Obviously, he’s trying to corrupt the minds of the younger fans. Mister Meowkazwa! YUYO demands to face this dark paladin. She will ride him down with her newly gained powers,” YUYO whips off the SPIRT Championship and thrusts the belt into the air. She begins to laugh maniacally as if she instead was the villain. Meowkazwa shut down the camera. He needed to talk to this girl, remind her of the responsibilities that came with being a professional wrestler in America.

[/REC]

“You’re already facing him… among others, I might add. That’s why I showed you his clip,” Meowkazwa shook his head. When he came that day to shoot the required promotional material as per the contract, he hoped that Yumi had prepared. Of course, she hadn’t. She never prepared.

“Oh,” Yumi responded, startled. Her lips formed a perfect circle.

“Have you not read any of my texts, emails?”

“Well, you see,” Yumi glanced down guilty, pressing her fingers down. She choked out a few giggles. “You see, Mr. Meowkazawa, YUYO’s been training so seriously since she now has the treasury to fund her unique, but totally beneficial, regime.”

“You’ve been playing video games again, haven’t you?”

“No!” She squeaked. Yumi’s eyes shot to the side. She refused to make any eye contact with Meowkazwa. He started to approach her. He tried to look her in the eye, ducking about in front of her. She kept looking away.

“So if I walked into the other room, I’m not going to see the usual mess, with a videogame on pause. Because if I do, for your sake, I’m going to confiscate everything,” Meowkazwa pointed out. The threat caught her attention. She stared right back at him. Her eyes widened. That all he needed was confirmation. Meowkazwa adjusted the collar of his shirt. He started towards the living room of Yumi’s house. Before he reached the archway, he heard the pitter-patter behind. Small wiry arms wrapped around his calf.

“Stoppppp! You can’t do eeeet to YUYO!” Yumi cried.

“Let go, Yumi. This is for your own good!”

“YUYO promises she will study tomorrow!”

“Your match is Sunday!”

“Whaaaaa… Sunday?!” Meowkazwa looked down at Yumi’s teary eyes as she looked up at her, doing her best puppy dog expression. Meokazwa released a frustrated sigh through the mouth opening of his cat masked face. He hated dogs. Began to march into the room, dragging his petite client as a prisoner would do a ball and chain.  “STOP! YUYO’s be a good girl. She’ll do her homework. She’ll prepare for her match. She swears. Leave her precious loot from her conquest alone!”

When he turned the corner to gain a better view of the room, the place was a complete disaster area. He expected as much. While her family had raised in the art of professional wrestling, they did little to enlighten her about the wonder of cleanliness. Empty, grease-stained pizza boxes littered the entire room. Stacked soda cans formed aluminum mountains that sprung out from every nook and cranny. On the couch was Yumi’s boy toy (to which she affectionately referred to as “YUYOSHI”), the dinosaurian wannabe himself, Beezlebubble, his entire hairy body sprawled out. He snored. Somehow the commotion in the kitchen didn’t wake him from his deep slumber.

“And what about him? What is he doing here?”

“YUYO adopted him. You might have a right to criticize YUYO’s business practices, but you have no right to interfere in YUYO’s family life, you get that, Mister Meokazwa?” She stabbed her tiny nail into his chest. She had instantly popped out in front of him. Unfortunately, the small frame did little to block out the view of the television. Whatever game she was playing when he arrived, in large pixel print, the word ‘Paused’ readout.

Meowkazawa nodded to himself. “There’s a reason why the agency sent me here. I must save you from yourself. First, video games.”

“NOOOOOOO!”

Take 2
[REC]

“Not often do YUYO meet fellow princesses in this line of work,” YUYO shook her head. “Hmm-hmm!”

“She’s not a princess,” Meowkazawa corrected her. He already realized that it was a mistake. For the past two hours, going over the details of the match, she had been incredibly grouchy. She had been highly upset over his seizure of all the videogames in the house. She eyed him, her tiny nostrils flared.

“Well, she looks like a princess. She acts like a princess. So how does that saying goes if it looks like a swan, swims like a swan, and quacks like a swan, then she is definitely a swan.”

“You mean duck.” She obviously confused her waterfowl. Amateur mistake.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say about someone, Mister Meowkazawa!” She snarled back, puffing her chest out as she once again stood on top of her makeshift soapbox. “As YUYO was saying before she was so rudely interrupted by her manservant! Wait, was YUYO talking about again?”

“About Swann… royalty mumbo jumbo.”

“Princess Sierra! She’s definitely a princess. No, if, ands, or buts about. She’s as beautiful right out of the fairytales. I t was beside myself. I know that YUYO doesn’t fit the mold of a princess, despite very much being a galactic princess, but Princess Sierra definitely is what people envision when you mention princess. YUYO found herself envious for that one moment, but she didn’t let her jealousy get the better of her! The people of this country depended on me to seize the Holy Weapon that is called the Spirit Championship. So when I clashed with Sierra, we had a honest contest, a respectable melee, to determine who was better qualified to possess such a weapon of mass destruction!” She squealed, obviously infatuated with this Sierra Swann. Yumi might not have realized that her uncle and sister might have had some serious relationship issues. The girl was oblivious to the treacherous waters that was adult romance. Meowkazawa nodded. He had been burned in his youth and now he found his own struggles at home, being always away, an ocean separating him from his family. No, he would not pull back the curtains of that terrible world. He would let her dream as a maiden should. Protect her innocence as long as one could. So he kept his mouth about Sierra’s sister.

“And now, I know, you must be a little jealous that YUYO proved to be the superior princess, but that’s not your fault. No! YUYO has been mandated by the heavens, blessed by the Goddess of Light, in order to fight against the darkness! In fact, YUYO can’t help but feel a little ashamed that we had to meet when I had an obvious handicap. But you fought on, respectably, and challenged me. You showed us the purity of your soul and heart. For that, I am proud that you are a fellow princess!” Yumi again nodded her head. “YUYO has been told that this next mission is crucial… of the utmost importance. This is a battle to determine who is allowed the path to achieving the Ultimate Weapon! And since YUYO been dong such a good job as the caretaker of the Spirt Championship, who’s better than to also protect the EMERGE Championship and ensure that evil doesn’t lay their grubby grubby slimy tentacle hands on this most powerful relic.”

“YUYO has to once again defeat you but she means nothing personal. YUYO hopes we can be friends after this, after as fellow royalty, need to remain civil so order can be maintained… but more importantly, YUYO wants a friend out of you!” YUYO shouted, his voice reaching the upper limits of the higher octave. She crosses her arms and does a pose before the camera, her hips pushed out. And the cameras kept rolling, an awkward silence. She remained to strut her pose, her bony hip still jutted out from the crate. She gritted teeth with a forced smile as she started to shake, the position. Finally, fell forward, stumbling off the crate and landing on her feet.

“Mr. Meowkazawa!”

“You’re not finished.”

“What? I’m completely finished. I finished,” Yumi marched up to towards her manager, who is still behind her camera. She blew the strands of her long silky black bangs away from her face. That’s the first time a woman told me she finished. Meowkazawa groaned at the thought. He turned off the camera before his client embarrassed herself further while disrespecting her opponent, Madeline Masters.

[/REC]

“There’s a third opponent!”

“Wait…” Yumi paused. She stared up at the ceiling light, counting on her finger. She nodded. “There’s a third opponent!”

“That’s what I said.”

“Seriously, Yumi, you need to show some more professionalism. It’s called professional wrestling for a reason. Eventually, I’m going to need to return to Japan and I won’t be there to correct your mistakes.”

“MISTAKES?” Yumi shouted as she curled her back away from her manager. She crossed her arms. Puffed her cheeks out. Under her breathe, she muttered, “YUYO doesn’t make mistakes. YUYO gets forgetful sometimes.”

“You’re always making mistakes! You make messes! I always have to clean them up! There’s a reason why the agency sent me to chaperone you here in America.”

“Why are you so mean to YUYO, Mr. Meowkazawa!”

“I’m not… I’m not being mean!” Meowkazwa stepped back. He hesitated, thought to himself if he was being mean. He glanced up again and sees Yumi’s down on the floor, curled up into herself. Her knees pressed up against her chest. Her fists covering her face. Is she crying? He didn’t mean to be so harsh. Had he said something actually means enough to make her cry? He reached towards Yumi but stopped. What was he supposed to say? Should he apologize… then he heard crying… not real crying, not the painful throbs that always shook any listener’s heart ache, but instead, a fake crying that resembled a struggling lawnmower starting up.

She was faking it!

He stepped back but bounced into a wall of flesh. Meowkazawa realized someone very big was behind him.  Meowkazawa turned around and dark eyes stared at him through Beezlebubble’s dinosaur’s mask. His eyes were red from strain. He glanced around at the ball of Yumi on the floor and then back at Meowkazawa. The reptilian man posted up on him. Meowkazawa started to wave his arms, trying to disarm this loaded tyrannosaurus rex before he got mauled.

“Look, I really didn’t do anything. She’s faking!”

“RAWR”  Yumi’s YUYOSHI yelled in his face. Spit splattering all over him.

“Now calm down. No need to be rash. Come on, Yumi. Tell him that you’re only messing with me…” Meowkazawa started to backpedaled. He glanced back at Yumi, who’s fake cries turned into soft laughter. “Yumi… come on now… please? Pretty please.”

“RAWR!” Beezlebubble sounded off again.

Meowkazawa turned and widened his eyes.

“God no!  Make it stop!”

Take 3

[REC]

“Madeline Masters…” Yumi uttered the name of her third opponent. She lifted a finger as if to say one moment. She bashed some buttons on her game controller before tossing her controller down onto the floor. Yumi returned to her feet to turn towards the camera. She pumped her fist before turning back. “I want to know why YUYO wasn’t on your guys’ team. Forget Danny Darko.  YUYO would make a better ally! Plus you be on the winning side of history if you were on YUYO’s  team! We all know YUYO adores and respects Sierra, it’s wrong for me to have excluded you from the gift of my friendship.  You seem fun! You seem cool! And I didn’t realize that you were sooo amazing until Meokazawa forced me to watch your tape.”

Yumi scrunched up her nose as if she smelled something bad. “Instead, YUYO’s stuck teaming with gross Jake Shelley and Donovan Street… and the first piece of advice YUYO was told when she announced my entry into American professional wrestling is that ‘One always look twice when you cross the street, because you never know if you be hit by oncoming traffic…’ wait no, that’s what grandmother always told young YUYO. Oh, someone told me to never trust a Street. They’re all rascals and all. Demon underlings of the Dark Lord, even one is the Devil’s Kitty-cat or something like that! Dark ties. And then there’s Jake Shelley. When YUYO wrestled him in Miami, he was all gross and sweaty… and… and smelly. YUYO doesn’t want to touch his hand!”

She placed her hands onto her shoulders before throwing them forward. Her arms were straight out as she allowed for her cape to fall down around her. “YUYO is used to be pitted against the odds. The Gods in the nether have once again arranged for YUYO to face adversity, but YUYO is not afraid! YUYO overcomes the odds, always! Because this is her story and she’s the heroine, and the fans out there depend on her to vanquish evil where it might hide! EMERGE Championship? The Ultimate Weapon! I must prevent the belt from falling into the hands of the Consortium, thus preventing the armies of darkness from gaining the one item that could destroy all of humanity.”

“IT IS UP TO YUMI!” She popped up, on fist hitting an imaginary box with a question mark written on the side.

[/REC]

“Are you happy now. Mr. Meowkazawa? YUYO did her job. ARE YOU HAPPY?” turned towards her cat-faced manager as he swung from the ceiling. His entire body was tied up with rope. Who had all this rope? He definitely didn’t trust Beezlebubble around his client. He hogtied Meokazawa with extreme dexterity. He obviously had experienced either in wrestling down pigs or in more seedier pastimes. Then they installed a hook into the ceiling and hung him up to dry. The last time the man endured such humiliation was when he accidentally permanently glued his wildcat mask to his face to prevent an opponent from demasking him. That was also the start of his marital issues.

“Yes. Yumi, you’re the best! Can you let me down now?”

“I’m in the middle of a game,” Yumi dismissed him to return to her perch, a leather-clad ottoman. She pressed to resume her game.

Beelzebubble stepped up to the hanging Meowkazawa and patted. The pats turned into a petting. The dinosaur freak treated Meokazawa as if he was an actual cat. His shame held no limit… for once, he wished that Yumi’s fantasy wasn’t a bunch of bullocks but instead, there was a real hero out there, to save him from this hell. Until then, all he had to do was endured this hairy manbeast’s petting.

Knock! Knock! KNOCK!

“Yumi?” Meowkazwa called out through the thick, oak hotel room’s door. He heard crying! Loud crying! Was Yumi in trouble? The cat-masked stared down the hallway in opens for some help. He didn’t want to go all Thunder Cats and knocked down this door. He needed help! His eyes searched desperately for a savior. He needed a maid! Yes, a nice catgirl in a maid costume, with the frilliest underskirt that leaves everything to the imagination! YES- Meowkazwa raises his forearm to his air holes in his mask in case he always came down with a nosebleed from those dirty thoughts. Damn it, man! Pull yourself together, Yumi needs you. He sighed, despite his wild perverted imagination, no maids of any kind appeared in the hallway bearing a keycard to gain access to Yumi’s hotel room.

Meowkazwa pushes up his shirt sleeves. Braced himself. He stepped back, lowering his shoulder and just when he should have crashed against the door, he found nothing but air. He stumbled, hopping on one foot in a last bid attempt to catch his balance only to end up falling forward into an unmovable wall of flesh.

“ROAR!” a high pitch voice blew in his face. Meowkazwa leaped backwards, clawing at the air, wishing he really did have claws to defend himself with. What sort of catnip crap is this?! A long green tongue shot out at him, owned by a scaly-looking face. A man wearing an odd dragon mask peer down at Meowkazwa. Who wears masks nowadays? Meowkazwa ponders as he scratches at an itch right underneath his furlined mask. Weirdos that who. Wait, where’s Yumi? What did this pervert do to my client!

The strange freak released another shrill, “ROAR!”

This time, courage formed within deepest depths of Meowkazwa’s soul. He held a resolve now; Yumi was his responsibility and he needed to ensure that she was safe. He didn’t care how huge this guy was, but wow, he’s really tall.. he’s a giant! He didn’t care how strong-looking this man-beast seemed to be! This man obviously hurt Yumi and he needed to get through her to go save his charge. Meowkazwa clenched his fists, preparing himself to do combat with this green-scaled abomination!

“There you are, Mister Meowkazwa!” Yumi’s sweet melodic chimed from somewhere in this room.

“Yumi? Is that you?”

“It’s YUYO!” Her innocent voice responded, but from where? He searched the room, eyes darting in every direction to locate Yumi. He even peeked around the big man, but the voice came from the furry-turned-reptile creep before him. THE MONSTER! Meowkazwa pawed at him, all strength left him as he fell into the creature. He ate her! Her ate YUYO whole!

Meowkazwa cried out, “Yumi!”

He slipped on the sweaty slick surface of the dinosaur zealot before him and spotted Yumi’s face up high, peeking over the man’s shoulder. Relief washed over him, soon followed by shame. He had embarrassed himself. How did not notice her legs sticking out at either side, wrapped in her light pink lacy stockings? The man held her in the piggyback position. Then another realization dawned on him. Meowkazwa became glad that his mask covered his scarlet face right about now.

“I’m so sorry. Yumi, I forget that you’re a grown woman and you have your needs. I’m so sorry to interrupt whatever…. Whatever this is!” Meowkazwa shields his eyes as he slowly crept backwards towards the door. This was a huge mistake coming here at this time of night! 7PM should be the cut off time for any visitation going forward.

“What’s your talking about, Mr. Meowkazwa?” Yumi climbed up higher onto the cold-blood and leaned over to look into his eyes. She asked her the question, “Do you know what he’s talking about?”

“RAWR!”

“That what’s YUYO thought, Beezlebubble. Meowkazwa, YUYO and her trusty YUYOSHI are very concerned about your behavior. Are you drunk?”

“Beezlebubble? What’s a YUYOSHI? Wait, me… drunk?”

Yumi pats the man on the shoulder and he lowered herself. She hopped down behind him and marched over before posting up on Meowkazwa. Yumi places her hands on her narrow hips. She wore a very tight-fitting scarlet robe today, cut off right above the knees but the tight fit exposed her for the lack of curves, she had been burdened with a petite frame. She scoffed at Meowkazwa.

“YUYO find it very alarming that her servant has decided to forgo his responsibilities and partake in very frosty, very cold beverages that is in abundance in this morally corrupt country,” Yumi began her lecture. As she did so, she stepped around in a circle, wagging her finger. “You’re going to deny these accusations, but YUYO remind you, who your mistress is, who gave you the right to exist! IT IS YU-…”

Meowkazwa bopped on the head with his closed fist and her mouth instantly clammed up. She lowered her head, started to pout. Everything happened in a blur. Meowkazwa was shoved backwards. The crocodile Dundee behind her rushed towards him, swinging his heavy fists towards Meowkazwa. Yumi had to toss herself into him to slow him down.

“ROAR!”

“No! Beezlebubble! This man isn’t evil! You must not destroy him!”

“ROAR!”

“He’s ignorant! He doesn’t understand the world! He’s YUYO’s servant and how would it reflect on a lady for letting her servant, no matter how ill-mannered and poop for brain he is, be devoured by her YUYOSHI!” Yumi pleaded to the man, who’s still failing his arm but seemed to be allowing for Yumi to hold him back. He foamed at the mouth, spit dripping from his mask. Finally, she threw her arms around his midsection and he stopped. This Beezlebud wiped the slobber from his mouth and glanced down. Yumi reached up and patted the mask, the man’s right foot started to tap uncontrollably. “That’s a good YUYOSHI!”

“Um…. A moment, Yumi. If you would,” Meowkazwa asked, eying cautiously at the lunatic standing besides Yumi. This wasn’t what he thought… at first, he thought he happened in on Yumi and her lover engage in some kinky escapade, but no, something much more disturbing was happening before him. She had a tournament to prepare for!

“I’ll be right back. Don’t you move,” Yumi grabbed both sides of the lizard mask and rubbed as she squished together with the man’s face. She spun around to follow Meowkazwa out into the hallway. He gently shut the door, checking to ensure that the madman hadn’t follow them.  Yumi poked Meowkazwa in the chest. “What’s your problem, Mr. Meowkazwa! You’re acting strange! Are you… Are you jealous of YUYO’s new partner?”

“Partner?”

“Oh, yes. Every magical cosmic princess requites a trusty steed. Preferably YUYO would have gone with a uniform with a laser beam attached to its horn, but she decided to honor the Italian tradition of going with a dinosaur,” Yumi explained as she puffed out her chest, proud of her achievement. Meowkazwa breathed in a sigh of relief. He wiped the back of the hand across his mask’s furry forehead. “You’re speechless! You’re impressed! And I am too, I made the right decision. Just now, we were practicing our riding. I hope one day to compete with him in polo.”

“Now he hasn’t touched you… inappropriately at all.”

“Of course not! Ewww! Meowkazwa, YUYO doesn’t engage in bestiality. Hate to burst your bubble. You’re just like YUYO’s uncle, a big… giant… stupid… HENTAI!,” Yumi growled as she turned her back. She crossed her arms and lifted her head off to the side. As a grown adult, having a young woman like that put him down was a soul-crushing experience for Mr. Meowkazwa. He thought about his ex-wife and kids at home in Japan, what they would think letting a younger woman chastise him in a hallway in some hotel. They would be even more disappointed in him than there were before.

“Okay. But I’m going to make sure a proper background check is done. I have to protect you. You understand that?”

“YUYO will forgive you… IF…”

“If?”

“If you speak to…” she suddenly became quiet. Meowkazwa circled around to find a downcast Yumi pressing the tips of her two index fingers together. She finished, “You ask those dummies over at Emerge if it’s okay for YUYO to ride her YUOSHI down to the ring for her entrance. I’ll even promise to put him on a leash so he doesn’t rampage into the audience.”

“Is he that dangerous?” Meowkazwa wondered aloud. This might be too much to asked for if he has rabies.

“Of course! YUYO wouldn’t have paid for a gentile dinosaur! Have you ever seen Jurassic Park?”

---

A podium was wheeled into a small conference room by one of the hotel staff. Meowkazwa bowed in gratitude before stepping back away from the back wall. He nodded, satisfied with his makeshift banner that hung from the wall. The fabric bore a bright shade of bubblegum pink. A slanted ‘Y’ with a lightning bolt on the bottom line heralded in the center of the banner.

He glanced back at where Beezlebubble, also known as Jack when he was outside the supervision of Yumi, with the video camera. Jack raised his thumb to signal that he was ready. Meowkazwa stepped over to the door. He waved on Yumi, who laid on the hallway’s floor, playing one of her handheld game console, oblivious to the fact she was blocking half the hallway. She didn’t notice him. Meowkazwa cleared his voice. She glanced over and suddenly she nipped up onto her feet. She bounced through the doorway, shoving the device into his hands.

[REC]

“EXPLOSION!” Yumi shouted as she leaped behind the podium. Yumi started hammering on the podium as she began to speak, “What does the world want! What does the world need! They world needs more spirt! SPIRIT!”

“And guess what? YUYO has spirit! Don’t believe a word annnnnnny of the other entrants say! They are nothing but charlatans! Yes, they pass the eye test, but there wouldn’t be a shadow government controlling everyone’s lives if they weren’t at least good at their job, would there be? But don’t you worry, YUYO’s here to be the light to the darkness, illuminate what’s real from what’s fantasy! You can trust YUYO! She has been chosen by the heavenly goddess to defend you all against the threats that lurk…. But most importantly in regards to this tournament, she is the only person who really does have SPIRIT!” Yumi threw her fist up into the air as she let out a squeak. But she slammed her fist back down as she continued, “YUYO’s spirit level is off 9000! Tommy Cooks is a dud. Sierra Swan is Krillin! So she doesn’t count! They don’t have the fighting spirit that YUYO has. They wish they did. But they don’t! And that’s because deep down they’re all soulless!”

“So let YUYO pose this simple question! Who would you like to have as Spirit Champion? A bunch of shady puppets of the shadow government like my enemies? OR YUYO?!” She waved her arms into her chest before she pressed the back of her hands against the bottom of her chin, she raises her arms to be even with the hands and posed. “YUYO for the win!”

“The fans cheer for me! They know that I fight the good fight for them! They know that I have more spirt than all the others! She’s the best around and YUYO ain’t going to let you down! And YUYO knows, everyone in this tournament, everyone this roster even, wants to deceive you into thinking that YUYO’s the crazy one! That’s YUYO’s just acting out in order to get attention but let YUYO wants to pose another question, a very important question? Why is it that YUYO has been winning? Exactly! They are nothing but lying snakes trying to undermine EVERYTHING that’s good and right! They don’t want YUYO to succeed because they know that their overlords are going to chew them out!”

“But that puts YUYO’s in a predicament! She can’t let their misdeeds go unpunished! She can’t let them sell you all counterfeit spirit! No, sir, YUYO can’t and won’t! And ding ding, chicken dinner, YUYO lucked out because she can punish them and take down their false advertisement by doing what she does best and that is winning… and in this case, YUYO will win this tournament!” She threw up her hands and she smiled brightly. “YAY!”

“YUYO is your next EMERGE Spirit Champion! YAY!”

[/REC]

Yumi nodded towards Meowkazwa and Beezlebubble. They nodded back. Their work was done here. Next up, Invasion!