Mr. Meowkazawa stepped up to the small ranch-style home after gently shutting his rental car. Bad neighborhood from the looks of it; a lot of bored youths lazying around on their front porches, watching him. Have they never seen a businessman wearing a furry cat mask before? Americans never seemed to understand the concept of politeness.  Where were their parents?! Meowkazwa reached for his pack of cigarettes but waved himself off, remembering his promise to cut down. Ever since he accepted this assignment, he had been smoking like a chimney. He knew the stressor, a small pintsize wrestler who thought she royalty. 

Meowkazawa glimpsed when he noticed the front door wasn’t properly closed, a dark crack showed at the door’s edge. Was the girl stupid?! Panic seized his heart. Meowkazwa forgot to breathe as he surged forward. As he stepped through the threshold of the door, his ankle crossed into a long piece of a taut string. What the- Before he could complete the thought he heard a click above. Meowkazwa saw a black object swinging hat him. His catlike reflexes allowed him to be duck and roll underneath the projectile. A loud crack erupted behind him. He turned seeing an iron skillet bouncing against back of the front door. A trap? He back away, into another trip line. He readied himself by crouching, but the click came from the side. A baseball bat sprung around the corner of the entranceway to the living room, drilling Meowkazawa’s dead center in the forehead. He fell to the floor.

Hello darkness, my old friend…

“YUMI!” Meowkazwa called out for his charge immediately when he came too. He sat up, almost headbutting Yumi on the chin.

She stared down upon him with teary eyes, her dark eyes were almost like two black marbles. She didn’t wear those silly colored contracts today. Yumi suddenly embraced him for such frails arm, she squeezed the air out of him. “You idiot! YUYO thought you killed yourself! What were you thinking not performing the knock! You could have died!“

“What… Yumi?“

“YUYO will forgive you for your lack of… formality because you’re hurt, Mr. Meowkazwa, but you have shown quite clearly that you are not up to the task of being my servant!“

“I’m not your servant, I’m your agent- ow, what happened?” Meowkazwa struggled to remember but eyed the contraptions that lined the entrance hall to the house. The skinny boy from Home Alone had nothing on Yumi. “Why did you boobytrap your house?”

“YUYO noticed that her new home base was in the middle of the Dark Lord’s territory and… YUYO was kind of scared, BUT NOT TOO SCARED MIND YOU BECAUSE SHE IS A HERO TOO! YUYO thought if she secured the front gates of her castle, then any silly minion would get whacked,” Yumi stared down guilty at her hands, rubbing her two palms together. “You should be proud of YUYO.”

“I know I’ve been away for a few weeks, but you really should have waited until I was around for us to find you a house… this neighbor is… bad.“

“But YUYO found a deal! The nice lady even said so! This is a huge boon for our coffers. More money that can be spent providing nourishment and other important essentials. How can YUYO live a lifestyle worthy of her status off that pitiful tribute small tribute EMERGE sends? If anything, this is your fault!” She slipped out from underneath him. His head fell and slightly smacked the carpeted floor. He hadn’t noticed the lap pillow and shamefully felt sad at the loss of Yumi’s thighs. Get it together man! She’s your daughter’s age! 

“Trust me, I wrangled them pretty hard to get that deal.”

“It’s not enough!” She stood over him now, hips on her shoulders. 

“Then break out. You’re the one who decided all of a sudden that you wanted to experience America. To do so, we had to take a pay cut. Only the nerdiest of the nerds were aware of you.”

“Exactly why YUYO had to come! They uncivilized brutes these Americans, who have lived too long ignorant. They need hope! They need to understand that their princess hasn’t forgotten them! Too long have they been under the influence of the Dark Lord! But YUYO will save them!” Yumi nodded to herself, a proud triumphant grin plastered on her face. Meowkazawa fought to his feet. He sniffed. He smelled smoke. Yumi must have smelled the same as they both returned towards the bellowing mass climbing out from down the hall. “NO! My cookies!“

After ensuring there’s no fire, Meowkazwa proceeded to open every window and door in the house to let the smoke escape. Upon his return to the kitchen, a tray of darkly crisped undistinguishable circles rested on the table before Yumi. Yumi clenched her fists. “This… is all your fault, Meowkazwa! If YUYO hadn’t been distracted, then the operation would have been a success…“

“Then bake some more.“

“YUYO didn’t expect failure. YUYO never expects failure! Only fools fall in that trap! YUYO is no fool…” her voice faded towards the end of that statement. She hung her head forward, her shoulders slouched as she continued to stare at the disastrous result. 

“Alright. I get it, Yumi. Let’s go to the store. I’ll buy us some new indigents and we can try again. Then we talk about your living situation…” Meowkazwa eyed the traps at the end of the door. 

“There! We did it!” Meowkazwa proclaimed their victory as he pulled the trays of cookies from the counter. Yumi forced him to don the icon pink floral apron, claiming that clothing article was blessed by the culinary wizards of ancient times. They each made a batch; Meowkazwa tapping into his past by using his mother’s recipes. 

They stood side by side, hands together, feeling proud of their achievement. “Operation is a success!” 

“So Yumi, why was it so important to bake cookies?“

“Oh, Meowkazawa. You still have so much to learn…” Yumi snickered slightly, wagging her finger, turning towards her manager.  “YUYO plans on giving Kali these sweet delectable delights after her victory over Kali! For me to gain her as an important ally, YUYO must give her a show of my fearsome strength! Then in the wreckage, I’ll extend the olive branch and win her over with these glorious sweets!“

“Why Kali? You’ve been obsessed with her from day one.“

“Because…YUYO believes she can still be saved. There’s a fire inside of her, Mr. Meowkazawa. And if we can turn her power towards the side of the light, then we might… we might have a chance to win this holy war!” Yumi stepped over and peeled one of her cookies. She hissed for a moment, pulling at the cookie. She tossed the cookie back and forth until it cooled. “Despite you’ve been very undeserving of this gift, I bestow you this divine treat! Go ahead, Meowkazwa, you may taste my masterpiece.“

“Oh, I am overjoyed, your highness,” Meowkazwa humored her as he snatched the cookie from her hand. He never knew Yumi to be the baker; hell, he felt surprised she even knew how to turn on an oven. He sniffed the cookie, examined it closely before chomping down. 

His body froze. His stomach tightened. He couldn’t breathe! He felt as if something was pulling him under. His legs disappeared. He felt weightless as if someone turned off gravity. Everything became so dark again.

Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

He peeled his eyes open. Meowkazawa rolled to his side and started to eject the contents of his stomach on that kitchen floor. He gasped for air, oxygen, and water. He needed water to remove that horrible taste from his mouth. He ran to the sink, turned on the facet and placed his mouth directly underneath.

“What happened?! Are you okay, Mr. Meowkazwa?!” Yumi’s voice strained by the concern. 

After a few moments, Meowkazawa regained his composure and turned towards her with a sly smile. With the taste finally gone, he felt alive! “If you really want to win the match, I suggest you give Kail those cookies beforehand. I promise you. You’d win.“

“They’re not that bad!” Yumi gasped, obviously offended by the implication that her cookies were poisoned. She immediately headed over to the tray and crunched down onto the baked treat. She collapsed to her knees and started spitting out the contents of her mouth. “YUYO has made an executive decision. Kali will receive your cookies. Be honored, Mr. Meowkazawa, you have saved us all!“

“You haven’t even tasted my cookies.”

“The Dark Lord’s taint has obviously seeped into mine. He must have sabotaged this operation knowing what it must have meant if we stole Kali from his side. I think today will be remembered as the day that demonic jerk stole one of YUYO’s pleasures in life, the day that YUYO stopped eating cookies,” Yumi stood up to her feet, completely stiff. She waddled towards the kitchen before running. Meowkazawa stepped over to his tray and snagged one. He savored the sweet taste of victory, despite hearing Yumi vomit in the background. The taste reminded him of his mother, god bless her soul. 

Yumi hung her shoulders. YUYO didn’t feel like a star who made her debut on the American professional wrestling scene. She allowed her arms to remain limp at her sides as she proceeded to stumble throughout the hallways of the arena. Stagehands tried to walk past her, but she bumped into them. They excused themselves, but Yumi continued forward to wander aimlessly. Finally, she located her dressing room and located outside is Meowkazawa. Arms crossed. Wildcat mask tightly laced. A cigarette in hand and he puffed. A stagehand tried to snatch the cigarette from his hands, repeating on about how there’s no smoking on the premise. 

“Sir! Don’t make me call security-,” the stagehand threatened but Meowkazwa didn’t seem to notice. When Yumi’s manager spotted Yumi, he popped off the wall and approached. 

Upon sight of the feline man, Yumi burst into sob, waving her hands. He propped his hands on his hips. “Such a shame, Yumi but-“

Yumi ran, threw her arms around her manager. She buried her face into his chest, leaving a large wet stain. She just sobbed, roaring instead of using speech. Her ring attire clung onto her, laden with sweat from the match. 

“Yumi…”

“NO!” Yumi responded. “YUYO definitely has no friends!”

“Is that what you’re upset about?”

“YUYO was going to win the match. YUYO was going to make friends with Kali! They will win and win and win. They would find their shining brilliant knights in white armor, marry them, have a happy family… but… but now that’s all ruined! YUYO has no friends!” Yumi broke into sobbing again, pressing her face again in Meowkazwa’s chest. 

“Now… now,” he wanted to start counseling her but recoiled at the stench. “How about you take a nice warm shower and afterward, we can talk you through this… you smell.”

Yumi gasped. “YUYO doesn’t smell! YUYO’s sweat is composed of tasty rainbows and wonderful, if you must know! She doesn’t smell nasty now, she never smelt nasty in all her life. YUYO’s body is immaculate and even as an infant, she never had any odor. She smelt like lemon and pine!”

“But you’re dirty-,” Meowkazwa tried that approach.

“MAGICAL PRINCESSES ARE NEVER DIRTY! NEVER! You walk that back, Mr. Meowkazwa… or else… else… BAKA KITTY!” Yumi tossed her arms, putting distance. The fabrics of her attire fluttered up. Yumi too recoiled at the wretched smell. 

“YUYO’s going to show… not because she smells and is dirty! But because she needs to… clear her head!”

Yumi proceeded to march into the women’s locker room, slamming the door behind her. Meowkazwa stared at the slammed door, nodding himself in approval. At that moment, the most consumed cigarette is plucked out of his hand and stomped out by the stagehand. The masked manager glared at the stagehand who shirked away before running off in the back. Meowkazwa proceeded to pull out his pack of cigarettes and proceeded to light up another cigarette.

“YUYO!”

“Yoyo?”

“YUYO!”

“My name is YUYO!” Yumi slams her hand down upon the flyer. She repeatedly points towards the picture; a photograph depicting her in mid-flight, spreading her arms out moments prior crashing into her opponent. Her beautiful signature is scribbled at the bottom with pink sharpie.

The security guard tilted his head in confusion. “This girl seems far cuter.”

“YUYO’s cute!”

“You tried to bite me.”

“Because you are trying to stop YUYO from fulfilling my destiny! You’re jeopardizing the entire world! YUYO is needed in that building. For justice! For world’s peace!” Yumi frantically swung her arms around, hoping that the more enthusiastic the body language the morel likely guard would believe her. The man caught her in at the most inopportune moment, as she practiced some her magical spells, devices to rally the crowd to support her with love! But with no crowd, obviously the man confused her for a psychotic person, but she was not crazy. She was YUYO!

“I’ve seen my fair share of characters… not one screamed god-knows-what while running atop the bathroom counters. You stopped others from using the sink to wash their hands. You got water everywhere.”

“YUYO admits, mistakes were made.”

“You literally pointed at Debra, calling her the anti-Christ and ordered her to be quote begone from this dimensions your unholy succubus whore unquote. She’s sixty and is the nicest woman I ever met,” the guard raised his eyebrow waiting for Yumi’s explanation.

The small woman shrugged her shoulders, releasing a slight laugh. “Mistranslation? She must have misunderstood YUYO.”

“You speak fluent English.”

“You know my accent is a little bad. That’s must be it!” she winked, leaning over as to kiss the guard on his big bulbous nose. “Give a girl a break?”

“I still can understand you despite the accent.”

“SNAP! SNIZZZZZZICKERS!” Yumi suddenly shouts, then she snaps her finger in front of the guard’s face. The guard caught her wrist on the backswing and held it. Still Yumi pressed on, valiantly to break this poor soul from his mental slavery. The demon lord’s curse must be broken! “Listen to me. No longer do you obey the evil demon lord Omega, instead you are free to serve. As your DEFINITELY CUTE princess, YUYO command to be free and obey your gracious monarch!”

“You’re embarrassing yourself further. Look, I wish I could entertain you all day but enough is enough. I’m throwing you out or I’m calling the police”

“GRRRRRrrrr…. Your soul must have already been corrupted when Demon Lord Omega got to you. I’m afraid you’re beyond saving. YUYO will say a short prayer for you-,” Yumi began but the man growled in annoyance. His grimace conveyed that Yumi had reached the end of the man’s patience. She closed her mouth, pushing her tongue to the side of her cheek. Even if this man was Omega’s minion, right now he was in the position of authority and she must behave.

“Excuse me, sir?”

“What is it? Can’t you see I’m a little busy here,” the guard looked past the Yumi’s small frame at the approaching man. The guard looked relieved as he looked up at the polished black leather shoes, moved upwards past the firmly pressed charcoal pants towards the matching suit jacket with a crimson red tie on a light blue shirt. Finally, someone normal. However, that hope died a painful death when he saw the man’s face. Through a tiger mask, dark eyes stared at him. “Another one of you crazies? My wife’s gonna think I’m shitting her. What the heck is up with today…“

“Mr. Meowkazawa!” YUYO slipped from the guard’s grasp and charged towards the suited man. She flung herself around the masked man, almost toppling him as she orbited him. “Save me! He thinks I’m a criminal!“

“Excuse me, good sir. I pardon you for my client’s misbehavior,” he suddenly bowed lower. He extended his hands, to show a business card. The guard pricked the card free and examined. “We’re here to sign a contract with the company.“

“You’re in the wrong building. I believe EMERGE offices are next door.“

“Then we will disappear from your sight immediately. Apologies for whatever commotion my client might have caused. Go ahead, Yumi, apologize to the nice man,” Meowkazawa waved Yumi on.

Yumi stepped forward. Yumi stared at her brightly colored sneakers and found herself in a predicament. She knew that best option was to listen to her manager’s directions. But now knowing very well that the demon lord has infiltrated the neighboring offices, she had to do something, right? Her duty is to save the world, nay the universe from the corruption of demon lord Omega. What example would she be setting if she simply let one of the demon lord’s thugs go?! She needed to vanquish evil, for all the little girls in the world who depended on her! She took another step, sliding her thin magical rod from her shirt sleeve and prepared herself.

WHACK! Yumi teared up as she rubbed the top of her head. She turned and Meowkazawa didn’t even attempt to hide his strike. His hand remained there where his karate chop delivered.

Yumi turned back towards the security guard and bowed. “I’m sorry, mister security guard. It will never happen again.“

“Yeah? You’ll be careful. If you keep up misbehaving, some places will call the cops on you,” the security guard batted his hand at them, trying to shoo them away. He had enough excitement for one day.

They stepped out onto the street, Yumi turned towards her manager. “YUYO needs to know! Have they got to you too? Is YUYO going to wake up tomorrow and find the entire world to be puppets? Please tell me that is just part of a bigger plan.“

Meowkazawa glanced down at his watch and sighed. “We’re already late. You’re going to make a bad impression.”

“You’re ignoring YUYO.”

“We don’t have time for this. Let’s get going,” Meowkazawa grabs Yumi’s wrist and starts to herd her to the building next door.

YUYO lowered her head, puffed her cheeks out.”One day, I shall rule this galaxy and you will regret treating me like a child!“

---

Yumi managed to escape surveillance, ducking into back hallway. She breathed in and out, heavily. She clutched her magical staff, kissing the heart-shaped gemstone of the piece. They’re all after her, what she really needed was friends!

The power of friendship never failed!

She started moving through the office. A young woman, wearing a pencil skirt and a buttoned-up blouse hurried down the hallway. Yumi stepped forward to block her path, surprising the office assistant. “Will you be YUYO’s friend?“

“What?” The woman seemed confused. She then collected herself. “Are you lost little girl? Where’s your parents?”

“NO! You’re with them!” Yumi ran back towards the conference room. She was too naive! Too ignorant of the dangerous world they she lived in. They’re all after her. But that wasn’t going to dissuade her.

She was going to fight back. Once she find some friends she can trust, the cosmos will answer to her justice! She will show her the true power of friendship!

---

Meowkazawa stood there, cellphone in hand as he raised a thumbs up to indicate that he was right. Yumi stepped up onto the orange crate, dusted herself quickly, flattening the flaps of her skirt. She pointed her rod towards the phone and the nodded.

[REC]

“Behold!” Yumi shouted. She leaped off the crate and dropped in front of the phone. “I am YUYO!“

“YUYO’s body might seem small, petite, and incredibly cute but YUYO possesses power behind your wildest dreams. Your mind cannot begin to image that amount of energy that YUYO’s body, the chosen vessel of the Gods, contain. And YUYO has come to defeat the agents of darkness wherever they might be found and YUYO knows for a certainty that EMERGE is a harbor of villainous scums. She will not stand by idly and watch as this organization is used to exploit its fans of hard earned capital! YUYO will clean up EMERGE!” She shouted as she marched towards the wooden crate again, raising fists high as she does so. She posed for a second on the crate.

Yumi turned back towards the camera.

“YUYO has one question, and one question only, will you be YUYO’s friend?“ Yuyo arched her faint brown eyebrow, “Well, will you? Punk?“

“Because right now, YUYO is looking at Kali and YUYO is seeing someone who needs a hug. You all are pointing and laughing because she’s different, but we’re all different! It’s mean! It’s mean! MEAN MEAN! You’re all jealous that she won the seas. She’s a pirate, but there are some cool pirates like Captain Jack Sparrow and they make great for friends… but what about you, Tommy? Would you make for a great friend?” Yumi stops and tilts her head as she allows that question to sink in. She scrunches up her face as if she smelled rotten eggs. “YUYO doesn’t think you would. You’re too crude! You’re too mean! You have the personality of dog poop. Your language! Your attitude! AGGH! It’s so digusting. You’re definitely working for them!”

“You are making a big mistake underestimating the power of love and friendship! You wish you chosen to be YUYO’s friend because then YUYO’d go easy on you, but not today! Not today! YUYO has a job to do and she isn’t going to mercy. You can threaten YUYO all you want, but she’s not going to way. She’s going to stay here and she’s going to keep fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting until she makes you pay for your sins! YUYO has been placed on this planet for one thing and one thing only, to rid the world of all its darkness so the light can shine in! YUYO believes your stupid face is blocking the sun and she’s gonna knock it out of the way! That’s her job! You can be spirit champion or whatever, but you don’t have the spirit to take on YUYO and her magical powers, you hear me?!”

She begins to breath heavily as some spit foams at the corners of her mouth. She moves closer to the camera, real close, a little too close. Meowkazawa waved her back, but she continued to stay close. Her breathe fogs up the lenses of the phone camera. “So ask yourself this question, would you make for a great friend? Would you? Because that’s the difference between a buttkicking and a playdate? You got that?”

“Emerge’s gonna be rocked! By love and friendship and whoever gets in my way will be bought to their knees. YUYO’s here and she’s ain’t going anywhere!“

[/REC]

“Sent,” Meowkazawa stated.

“So how did YUYO do?“

“There’s definitely something wrong with you.”

“You mean wonderful. You and your bad English, Mr. Meowkazawa,” Yumi playfully punched Meowkazwa in the shoulder before prancing towards the hotel room’s bathroom. Meowkazawa stepped towards a mirror and stared into his dark eyes, through that tiger mask. What had he signed up for? What was wrong with the girl? This was supposed to be a simple assignment but this girl might prove to be the death of him.